escalator emotions

I feel like I am on a escalator with my emotions as the day gets closer to moving back. As long as termoil like court hearings , letters of her demands dont happen, I seem to be better and rather fine. I am starting to view the future for my son and I. What we want to do, go and live like. I do know several years he will be 18 and ready to go his way. He can stay as long as he wants. I do not want to make crutches out of each other. One step at a time. Last night for the first time, I posted photos of my wife and I  (5) great happy shots. Torment??? maybe.. but as I do crazy stuff like this, those truly were great times for me, happy times and in perspective she is not that person today and it becomes apparent even more so. The court yesturday was bitter sweet, I did not look at her (as if she was not there) but I heard her, I heard the voice but not the feeling, not  the love or concern that was once there, I heard the blame,anger and resentment. Pretty interesting how ones senses sharpen in events and you pick up things differently. I am going to have a great day today with my son and push through this.. one step at a time!