Errrrr...

I get so tired of this merry-go-round.  It's not so merry, just round and round.
My joints might not hurt as bad if I lost some weight.
I might lose more weight if I exercised.
I would exercise more if I didn't hurt so bad.
I'd eat more salad and less crackers and cheese if my stomach wasn't always so sick from the pain pills.
I don't feel very peaceful when I'm hurting. 
I have been trying to hurt less by disassociation.
It is hard to disassociate from myself when I have to be present at work.
While going through labor you know it is not going to last forever.  While battling cancer you know that you have a good chance of winning, being cured, feeling as good as new. With this there is no end, no victory dance.