Epiphany
As I often do, I'm sitting at work surfing the internet for answers - Why am I so emotional? Why do I feel the way that I do? Why can't I control my emotions? Why am I super happy, positive, optimistic, and giddy one minute/day but can barely bring myself to get out of bed or function the next? Am I bi-polar? Should I go back on my meds? Should I continue with natural remedies such as St. John's Wort? Are these essential oils really making any difference? Why can't I make a decision and stick to it? Do the pros of pharmaceuticals outweigh the cons? Am I losing my mind and going crazy? Is this normal? Do ALL people experience these feelings? Why can't I focus and actually work? Am I dysfunctional? How long do I have to suffer with this? The questions could literally go on and on and on...
Obviously, I have a hard time staying on task as my intent for an example actually led to asking myself additional questions and then rambling about them. Anyway...the reason I initiated this entry was because I came across something in an article about bipolar disorder and co-dependency that touched me:
"As children we learn...being emotional is considered negative (falling apart, loosing it, coming unglued, etc.)"
This...this is sadly SO true! I AM an emotional being, I always have been! And, I have ALWAYS been "told" that there is something WRONG with it and so I have spent YEARS trying to FIX it! But, is it really something that I need to fix? Is there really something WRONG with me? Don't get me wrong, I believe that, on some level, our emotions need to be controlled (i.e. emotional extremes which may cause harm to either ourselves or others) but, to suffer under the assumption that something is wrong with me because I experience an array of emotions is not fair. I - not anybody else - should have the right to decide if and when being emotional is not good for me. And, I shouldn't have to accept any negativity from others because of my emotions. I matter. My emotions matter. If somebody can't accept that, they do not deserve to be a part of my life. As of today, I will no longer let society or anybody else's opinion of emotions dictate my opinion of or love for myself. I am beautiful, lovable, and worthy just as I am.
Obviously, I have a hard time staying on task as my intent for an example actually led to asking myself additional questions and then rambling about them. Anyway...the reason I initiated this entry was because I came across something in an article about bipolar disorder and co-dependency that touched me:
"As children we learn...being emotional is considered negative (falling apart, loosing it, coming unglued, etc.)"
This...this is sadly SO true! I AM an emotional being, I always have been! And, I have ALWAYS been "told" that there is something WRONG with it and so I have spent YEARS trying to FIX it! But, is it really something that I need to fix? Is there really something WRONG with me? Don't get me wrong, I believe that, on some level, our emotions need to be controlled (i.e. emotional extremes which may cause harm to either ourselves or others) but, to suffer under the assumption that something is wrong with me because I experience an array of emotions is not fair. I - not anybody else - should have the right to decide if and when being emotional is not good for me. And, I shouldn't have to accept any negativity from others because of my emotions. I matter. My emotions matter. If somebody can't accept that, they do not deserve to be a part of my life. As of today, I will no longer let society or anybody else's opinion of emotions dictate my opinion of or love for myself. I am beautiful, lovable, and worthy just as I am.
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