Epiphany

I watched on of my favorite movies Blue Crush. It made me really happy because I love watching movies with strong and assertive women, I mean they have their goals in check they know who they are. Most importantly they know what they want. They have something to live for. I aspire to be like that someday. I think I am going to call my journey Epiphany. I love that word. Epiphany according to dictionary.com it means a sudden intuitive perception of insight into reality or essential meaning of something usually intiated by some simple,homely or commonplace occurence or experience. Yes Yes I had an epiphany and it feels pretty good. I mean I am finally being honest with myself again. I am no longer making accuses or trying to hide how I feel. Before I would laugh and smile, I know it sounds cheesy but I was dying inside.  I lost myself in that relationship. I jut blatantly neglected anything that had to do with me. All the time I am spending right now focusing on me feels kinda strange. I'm not used to at all. I haven't fed my mind my soul in it feels like forever. I still get these knots in my stomach everytime I think about him. It gets hard when simple things remind me of the time we had together. I wonder when I will be able to delete all of the picture of him and I. I still have all the letters I wrote to him while he was in jail. I wrote to him every single day. I don't think I have the heart to throw them out just yet. I know I am just not ready for that. Someday I will be I know I will. I'm not gonna lie I think about us possible getting back together sometimes. I think that is whats holding me back from getting ride of all the stuff. I don't want to get to ahead of myself. I need to still be realistic and make sure my progress will here for good. Not a day, a moth, or a year but, forever. I want to never get into a situation like this again. I have too much to live for and my low self esteem and self worth will get me no where fast. I'm going to try to tell myself every morning that I love me. I am going to look in the mirror and say that every single day. I am tired of feeling this way. I want to be truly happy I'm sick of faking it.My past relationship taught me so much. I can't even believe I stayed for so long. What was I thinking? Wait I wasn't thinking and if I was it was only about my ex. That's what the problem was. Atleast I see it now. This song by Demi Lovato man it explains my life the relationship in every way.
   "World of Chances Demi Lovato
You've got a face for a smile you know A shame you waste it when your breaking me slowly but, I've got a world of chances for you. I've got a world of chances, Chances you are burning through.
I've got a paper and pen I go to write a goodbye and that's when I know I've got a world of chances for you, I've got a world of chances, Chances you are burning through.
Oh I'm going my own way My faith has lost it's strength again Oh, it's been too hard to say We've fallen off the edge again Were at an end Were at an end
Maybe you'll call me someday Hear the operator said the number's no good and that she had a world of chances for you She has a world of chances Chances you were burning through... Chances you were burning through You've got a face for a smile you know
The lyrics of the song they speak me. I mean from the beginning to end.