Epiphany

Funny.  Sometimes you don't see things until someone else has the same problem.  I'm refering to my new group Caring For Aging Parents.  One of the members was asking how to help her 60 year old father who is competent, but obviously needs help.  I answered that sometimes our parents are like 19 year olds.  They're considered competent and adults, so legally we can't do anything even if we see they're getting in trouble.  We just need to be there if they fall.
And so it is for most of us with legally competent parents.  My dad looks and sounds normal unless you're living in the house with him.  That's when you see his argumentative, non-trusting, paranoid that has plauged him most of his life.  I've spent the past 7 months trying to help him.  Impossible.  I've felt the wait of my attempts to care for him while he fights it every step of the way.  I've suffered with high blood pressure and headaches.  Still, he's an independent pain in the butt that I love and worry about.
So how do I handle it going forward?  I do nothing except be there for him if he falls.  In other words, I treat him like a teenager who is legally an adult.  I have no choice.