Entry for July 28, 2009

Last night, J was sitting at the computer editing photos on Photoshop. It was getting late, P needed a bath, dishes from dinner needed to be washed, dishwasher unloaded, and folded laundry put away.  I came in to the room where he was and asked "Do you think you can get P in the bath?"  J: "No. Not right now" and he continued to sit at the computer.  Within 5 seconds, J started lashing out. "It's not fair to me that I have to wake up an hour and a half before i need to in the morning. Then when you fall asleep elsewhere and come to bed late, it wakes me up. Which means that I only get 2 hours of sleep a night. Why do you have your alarm set for so early? What time do you NEED to get out of bed each morning?" Me: "about 5:50" J: "This morning you hit snooze for a solid hour!" me: "I know.  I could not wake up this morning for anything. I'm sorry." J: "Tomorrow if you do this, I will pour cold water all over you to get you out of bed. Do you hear me?  I will pour cold water on you if you do not get up." Me: "oh, that wouldn't be very good." Meanwhile, P comes into the room and starts crying. P: "Make it stop! No! Not again! Not again! Is Daddy mad?" I pick him up to soothe him.  J: "I swear I will pour cold water on you tomorrow, or I will break your damn alarm clock!" P: "No! Stop it!" I didn't give a response, but was holding P closely to try to calm him down. He is really upset. J then turned to his computer and didn't look at us. He dismissed us with a silent jerk of his thumb behind his shoulder to tell us to go away. I took P to the bathroom to run his bath.  He's still really upset and crying.  "Mama, will you please do something different with your alarm clock? Please!"  I put some bubbles in his bath water to try to help him relax a little more b/c he loves bubble baths.  He told me that his tummy hurt and that he was scared in his stomach.  I told him that I sometimes feel it there too when I feel afraid and asked him if he needed to go to the bathroom. I told him that it was ok, and that mommy and daddy both love you very much, and this is not your fault. OK? He said that he was scared in his throat too. I told him that it happens and sometimes our throats feel tight when we're scared. I told him to try to take some slow deep breaths. He asked me if Daddy was just joking. "Was he just joking Mama?" I told him that he didn't mean it and he wasn't going to break the clock. He said ok and started to slowly calm down. I gave him some play time in the bath while I put away my laundry.  I got him out and dressed for bed. While I was getting him dressed he asked me not to go near his Daddy and to give him some alone time. I said OK. He then went to find his dad. I think he asked if he was all better now, and if he was only joking. I heard him say, "OK, you were just joking." He then came back to me to confirm and told me that I could go back around daddy. He asked me to go give him a kiss. I really didn't want to be near J... P: "Come on! I'll show you where he is." I walked into the room with P, then J walked past me if I wasn't even there, but he acknowledged P.  He walked down the hall and into our bedroom, closing the door behind him, although not all the way. P noticed that the door wasn't completely closed and said "He didn't lock it, you can go in there." I stayed away. I got P in bed, read stories, then kissed and hugged good night and I went to the guest room to sleep for the night.  This  morning, J woke up still not really talking to me or looking at me. He wasn't completely contemptous of me because he did come into the bathroom to comb P's hair, and he made his lunch this morning. I told him thank you, and he said "welcome."  Then we gathered our stuff to go to school/work, and I kissed J goodbye and told him to have a good day. I really didn't want to, but just walking out as if he didn't exist would only add more fuel to the fire.