Entry 5 : Numbness *TW*
24/01/2015
Hello dear readers,
I do hope you are well, and at least better than myself anyway. Song of the day? Bleeding out ~ imagine dragons. "I'm bleeding out, So if the last thing that I do, Is bring you down, I'll bleed out for you, So I bare my skin, And I count my sins, And I close my eyes, And I take it in, I'm bleeding out, I'm bleeding out for you, for you." and hence the trigger warning, Unless you have not actually grasped the lyrics this song is about self harm and the act of doing so.
I have been a self harmer for 8 years now but have not actually self harmed for a year or so. Not because I have not wanted to but because I actually have not had the chance to. Every blade I get a hold of my life-mate finds and disposes of ((I am sure she looks through my things lol)) and then if she does not I have no time to do so because she will then wonder why I cover up -__- but the urge is getting worse and worse as my numbness gets worse.
I do not know how to explain it but DS faces do not help me explain it, I do not feel happy, ok, or horrible...I feel nothing...I would give anything to just feel anything. but I do not. It is as if I am watching my life from an outsider, Like the person I see is someone else living this life. I do not know what to do, I used to cut when I was like this at least then it told me when I was alive. what do I do now?
Paws out.
Hello dear readers,
I do hope you are well, and at least better than myself anyway. Song of the day? Bleeding out ~ imagine dragons. "I'm bleeding out, So if the last thing that I do, Is bring you down, I'll bleed out for you, So I bare my skin, And I count my sins, And I close my eyes, And I take it in, I'm bleeding out, I'm bleeding out for you, for you." and hence the trigger warning, Unless you have not actually grasped the lyrics this song is about self harm and the act of doing so.
I have been a self harmer for 8 years now but have not actually self harmed for a year or so. Not because I have not wanted to but because I actually have not had the chance to. Every blade I get a hold of my life-mate finds and disposes of ((I am sure she looks through my things lol)) and then if she does not I have no time to do so because she will then wonder why I cover up -__- but the urge is getting worse and worse as my numbness gets worse.
I do not know how to explain it but DS faces do not help me explain it, I do not feel happy, ok, or horrible...I feel nothing...I would give anything to just feel anything. but I do not. It is as if I am watching my life from an outsider, Like the person I see is someone else living this life. I do not know what to do, I used to cut when I was like this at least then it told me when I was alive. what do I do now?
Paws out.
Replies
Have you read anything about depersonalization? It is a type of dissociation.