Entry 1: 9/28/10
I'm not sure what I want to write here. I dont know who will see it, not that it matters. Everyone who knows me knows basically what is going on in my life.
I joined this site to have people who might understand and offer some kind words. I dont know who long I will have online, so it will be hard to make any friends knowing that soon I will be moving out of my friends place and into my own apt.
That is anxiety number one right now. I am 36 years old and never lived on my own. I lived at home with my mom until I moved to TX (I was in PA) 2003. I moved there to be with, who I thought, the love of my life.
Now I'm on my own for the first time. The thing that scares me most is it just isn't me. I have a 3 year old son who is depending on me to not mess up... but that is what I do best.
I have so much anxiety over that little boy. Everyone tells me when I get all depressed about how my life has turned out that I should just focus on James. While he is the bright spot of my life, it doesnt really help me feel better because that little boy deserves SO much better than all of this. And so much better than what he is going to grow up with. It breaks my heart knowing he will have the same kind of life I had growing... poor, no money, no vacations...
I just feel myself sinking so fast right now. I know James see how unhappy I am right now and that adds more anxiety because I dont want to affect him.
The anxiety just never seems to end.
I dont think I did good with my goal today lol.
-- Tara
I joined this site to have people who might understand and offer some kind words. I dont know who long I will have online, so it will be hard to make any friends knowing that soon I will be moving out of my friends place and into my own apt.
That is anxiety number one right now. I am 36 years old and never lived on my own. I lived at home with my mom until I moved to TX (I was in PA) 2003. I moved there to be with, who I thought, the love of my life.
Now I'm on my own for the first time. The thing that scares me most is it just isn't me. I have a 3 year old son who is depending on me to not mess up... but that is what I do best.
I have so much anxiety over that little boy. Everyone tells me when I get all depressed about how my life has turned out that I should just focus on James. While he is the bright spot of my life, it doesnt really help me feel better because that little boy deserves SO much better than all of this. And so much better than what he is going to grow up with. It breaks my heart knowing he will have the same kind of life I had growing... poor, no money, no vacations...
I just feel myself sinking so fast right now. I know James see how unhappy I am right now and that adds more anxiety because I dont want to affect him.
The anxiety just never seems to end.
I dont think I did good with my goal today lol.
-- Tara
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