Entry 3
Spent yesterday crying for hours after I finished entry.
Wrapped myself in my husbands favorite blanket , it is summer and I turned the ac down to 75 , but the warmth was like a comforting hug from him. I curled up on the couch where I have slept for the past 3 years. Never changed out of my pajamas and slept for hours.
I feel as though, after 3 years this is not the point I should ever allow myself to get in again.
I feel so lost and alone. And I really can not let myself think about it too much today. I need to at least pay some bills online today because if I can't do that I will have much greater problems.
So.I guess I am stopping this journal entry here before I allow myself to get like I felt yesterday . Today I feel that automatic pilot and holding back my feelings is a necessity. Thinking about him for too long hurts too much . Thlnking about how inadequate I feel at coping or the whole situation in general hurts too much.Lisa
Wrapped myself in my husbands favorite blanket , it is summer and I turned the ac down to 75 , but the warmth was like a comforting hug from him. I curled up on the couch where I have slept for the past 3 years. Never changed out of my pajamas and slept for hours.
I feel as though, after 3 years this is not the point I should ever allow myself to get in again.
I feel so lost and alone. And I really can not let myself think about it too much today. I need to at least pay some bills online today because if I can't do that I will have much greater problems.
So.I guess I am stopping this journal entry here before I allow myself to get like I felt yesterday . Today I feel that automatic pilot and holding back my feelings is a necessity. Thinking about him for too long hurts too much . Thlnking about how inadequate I feel at coping or the whole situation in general hurts too much.Lisa
Replies
Yes, it hurts and I\'m so very sorry for your pain right now. Unfortunately it\'s inevitable and something we all experience. Do what you need to do to take care of you right now. If that means one day wallowing in grief, and the next day taking care of business . . so be it. Gentle and easy does it my friend. Hugs, D
Dear Lisa,
I understand your need for those warm, comforting hugs only our precious husbands could give.....I found wearing Ben\'s favourite blue sweater was like his big teddy bear hug, I can still smell him when I get the urge to cuddle it.
It\'s good that you are getting some control over your emotions....for me that was important.....I do get triggers, she\'d tears and let them pass. Early stages
I used to save my time for emotional outburst, otherwise I would have been a basket case.
I feel for you, I know it so hard to cope, at times. I know you will get thought this, you have been an amazing warrior, fighting to keep your beloved husband
alive and comfortable for so many years.
Just know that you are in my prayers and you have hope....
Love, hope and peace to you dear Lisa......Sandra