enough already

another day in hell.....i haven't felt like this since before I was dx. I made it to the couch today and that's as far as I went....I even upped my prednisone to 15mg.... that will give you an idea of how bad i feel.
The doctors appointment didn't resolve anything it was kind of pointless. I don't mind seeing the resident but I would still like to be able to speak to my doc as well.....I mentioned to the resident about not getting the funding for the rituximab and that my next step was the transplant assessment......he then says to me what organ are they thinking of transplanting????  Hello... did you not just listen to my lungs and have the med student come in and listen to my lungs.....
I keep trying to find an upside in all this but I am having trouble seeing the silver lining. I thought I had made the decision to accept everything as it happened and deal with it, but this just seems relentless.
I'm even frustrated with the acupuncture right now.....I think he has forgotten what condition I have and how all encompassing it is. After he did the needles in my knees on Monday he did some massage on them....and it hurt alot, and now I can't sleep on my side with my knees together without a pillow.....they feel so bruised, no marks but they feel like they should. And I haven't heard anything from my homeopath. She said she was going to work up a new regime for me and would contact me after I got back from my trip.....I've been home for a month now and no word. I know i can call her and I'm being childish, but I guess I just want someone to take care of me. This is one of those moments when you want a mom to take care of you and make everything okay
I'm just feeling sorry for myself because I'm lonely and bored with hubby being gone. He'll be back on Friday and my friends have been keeping me somewhat busy......I've even screened some calls and not answered when they called....and I feel bad for it but I just wasn't up to putting on the I'm okay voice and pretending it's all good.....don't have the energy.
I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and I'm supposed to go and see a play tomorrow night....I hope I can suck it up enough to go....already paid for the ticket.....
enough mopeing for now.......