Energy Now
Earlier today I had no energy, as normal. I went to the grocery store with Geo's dad, and I had to sit on the floor in the back with the food because the cart was so heavy. I went to BJ's, which is like Costco. It's one of those huge stores with huge carts. I filled the cart up with food, so I spent almost every penny of the food stamps, but we have enough food for the month. Geo said he's going to try and cut down on the soda, and I'm going to hold him to that, since we don't have a lot of money left over to get him more soda. I'm proud of him for saying he wants to cut back on the soda on his own... I wonder what motivated him. I don't want to ask now, I want to see if he can do it and then ask him the key to his success. I will be cheering him on whatever his motivation is (as long as it's good lol). I'm proud of him for making such good decisions about his weight.
Anyway, now I have a ton of energy. I want to go for my walk now, but it's late and I have to go to sleep early tonight. I have my full day at work tomorrow. Depending on when I wake up will determine when I go in. I'm going to try and get my full 12 hours of sleep before I go in, but it's not guaranteed. Sleep with me is never guaranteed. I wish it was, but it's not and that's just the way I have to live. I'm yawning now, but I still feel full of energy. I feel like I could go for my 2 mile walk. I just did my exercises for the night since I did have the energy to do them (I try not to do them so late, but I just needed to burn off some energy). I hope I'm not going hypomanic. We will see how I sleep tonight to determine that. This morning I wanted to take a pill to go back to sleep even though it was noon... I was just tired and wanted that extra sleep. I'm so glad I didn't take a pill, since Geo's dad came shortly after. Maybe it was the nap I took earlier that energized me... I felt pretty good after it, and was able to not sleep while Geo took his nap. I cooked dinner.
Food today is getting better... I just have a couple hundred more calories to go to meet my goal. I can get that in a cup of milk or something. Oh, I can have a hot coco! That should relax me (the caffeine doesn't effect me) and give me the calories I need to meet my goal. I'm low on carbohydrates today, so it's what I need, too. I'm a bit low on protein as well, but not enough for a protein shake. I'm running low on it, and I don't know when I will be able to afford more, so I'm just going to save it for days when I'm really low on protein. I have my hot coco now. It's hard to believe that even though I spent all the food stamps that we aren't going to have any food in a couple of weeks. I really need that job to come through so I can have money for food. I think I screwed myself over going to that meat market last month and getting that ton of meat. It was expensive meat, and it's meat that needs to be cooked with other things, so it's not like the regular chicken that I can just slap on some spice and go. Well, maybe if I can figure out something to do with it.
Mood today has been okay... not too good, not too bad. I feel good right now, but I don't know if it's because I'm hypomanic or not. I talked to my mom... she is doing okay. She's having trouble writing still, and they want to do more tests on her to see what's going on. It's kinda worrisome, but it's part of life. I can't have it all. I wish I could be up there with her, but I know I can't. I need to be down here for now, working and taking care of myself. I don't know what's going on with me yet, so I can't be making any plans to go anywhere or do anything until I do know what's going on. Plus, I have doctor's appointments and such that I have to go to.
Overall, I think I'm going to put today as an okay day again. I'm going to leave it there until I know for sure that I'm feeling good is not me being hypomanic, that it's me actually feeling good. I haven't increased my medication, so there's no reason for me to be going hypomanic. But sometimes in the fall I do, so I need to watch out. I kinda know my patterns, so I know what to watch for. I track my patterns for a reason, so I can find out what's going on. I was hallucinating a bit again today, the white spots. They look like comets going across my vision, like I'm about to black out, but I feel fine. I need to get to an eye doctor to talk to them about the hallucinations to see what they have to say. I wonder if it's something wrong with my eyes. I doubt it, but I still think it would be wise to get them checked.
Anyway, now I have a ton of energy. I want to go for my walk now, but it's late and I have to go to sleep early tonight. I have my full day at work tomorrow. Depending on when I wake up will determine when I go in. I'm going to try and get my full 12 hours of sleep before I go in, but it's not guaranteed. Sleep with me is never guaranteed. I wish it was, but it's not and that's just the way I have to live. I'm yawning now, but I still feel full of energy. I feel like I could go for my 2 mile walk. I just did my exercises for the night since I did have the energy to do them (I try not to do them so late, but I just needed to burn off some energy). I hope I'm not going hypomanic. We will see how I sleep tonight to determine that. This morning I wanted to take a pill to go back to sleep even though it was noon... I was just tired and wanted that extra sleep. I'm so glad I didn't take a pill, since Geo's dad came shortly after. Maybe it was the nap I took earlier that energized me... I felt pretty good after it, and was able to not sleep while Geo took his nap. I cooked dinner.
Food today is getting better... I just have a couple hundred more calories to go to meet my goal. I can get that in a cup of milk or something. Oh, I can have a hot coco! That should relax me (the caffeine doesn't effect me) and give me the calories I need to meet my goal. I'm low on carbohydrates today, so it's what I need, too. I'm a bit low on protein as well, but not enough for a protein shake. I'm running low on it, and I don't know when I will be able to afford more, so I'm just going to save it for days when I'm really low on protein. I have my hot coco now. It's hard to believe that even though I spent all the food stamps that we aren't going to have any food in a couple of weeks. I really need that job to come through so I can have money for food. I think I screwed myself over going to that meat market last month and getting that ton of meat. It was expensive meat, and it's meat that needs to be cooked with other things, so it's not like the regular chicken that I can just slap on some spice and go. Well, maybe if I can figure out something to do with it.
Mood today has been okay... not too good, not too bad. I feel good right now, but I don't know if it's because I'm hypomanic or not. I talked to my mom... she is doing okay. She's having trouble writing still, and they want to do more tests on her to see what's going on. It's kinda worrisome, but it's part of life. I can't have it all. I wish I could be up there with her, but I know I can't. I need to be down here for now, working and taking care of myself. I don't know what's going on with me yet, so I can't be making any plans to go anywhere or do anything until I do know what's going on. Plus, I have doctor's appointments and such that I have to go to.
Overall, I think I'm going to put today as an okay day again. I'm going to leave it there until I know for sure that I'm feeling good is not me being hypomanic, that it's me actually feeling good. I haven't increased my medication, so there's no reason for me to be going hypomanic. But sometimes in the fall I do, so I need to watch out. I kinda know my patterns, so I know what to watch for. I track my patterns for a reason, so I can find out what's going on. I was hallucinating a bit again today, the white spots. They look like comets going across my vision, like I'm about to black out, but I feel fine. I need to get to an eye doctor to talk to them about the hallucinations to see what they have to say. I wonder if it's something wrong with my eyes. I doubt it, but I still think it would be wise to get them checked.
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