Energy levels are zero,tired body,tired mind,tired soul

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:16am and I have been awake since 7:40am.I am now at my desk with my first mug of coffee of the day attempting to wash the last vestiges of sleep from my body.This morning I am desperately tired and struggling with the concept of being awake for the next twelve hours or so,every instinct I have is screaming at me to go back to bed,but if I do that I know that I will sleep for another four or five hours,and once again I will have lost another huge chunk of my day that I can never get back.This seemingly endless state of exhaustion frustrates me beyond belief,I actually get angry at myself for being tired,how weird is that?,if a person is tired they're tired,it's nobody's fault,yet I get annoyed at myself for being weak.Standing for even short periods of time leaves me feeling drained,my legs get wobbly and I have no choice but to look for somewhere,anywhere,to sit down,that's no way for a person to live,yet it is my life on a daily basis.Any prolonged trip outside our home literally fills me with dread because I know that after five minutes or so I will become distressed and have to rest,journeys take much longer,and I only venture out now if it is absolutely necessary,if the trip isn't necessary,I stay inside.There are times when I am so fatigued by the efforts I am forced to make just to walk a few yards that I actually begin to stagger,giving me the appearance of being slightly drunk,it is embarrassing and very humiliating to have people stop and look as they pass you by,and I have felt compelled almost to try and explain to complete strangers,"I'm not drunk you know,I just have problems walking",what the hell is it to do with anyone else anyway?,yet the urge to explain remains.The tiredness in my body also affects my mind,and there are times when I cannot pull one sensible thought from the racetrack going on inside my head,between my voices and the constantly racing thought patterns,it is hugely tiring just to try and think on any logical level.Finally,I am soul tired,the very essence of humanity that makes me who I am is utterly exhausted simply by trying to function,that isn't right,my soul is mine,and it has always been a kindly soul with a good heart,despite all the mistakes I have made in life,my intentions were,and are,always good.Sitting here now,I am so very tired and already looking forward to the time when I can go back to bed,there is very little joy in living anymore,I'm too tired to enjoy the simple things that make living pleasurable,the one joy in my life today is my wife,she is the one constant,the one who never moves from my side,then of course there are our fur children,three bundles of warm fur,loving despite everything else,they are our children, softening the edges of the crater of emptiness that all parents are left with when their human children grow up and leave.Well journal,there you have it,an update on the life of me,not much to write home about,but it is an honest appraisal of my life this morning as I see it,until the next time then,God walk with us.