Endless Pain!

deleted_user 09/24/2011
My Mom had Alzheimers, too. I wonder sometimes what that has to be like. I keep doing things to keep my mind sharp......work on the computer, read alot, do crossword puzzles, increase my vocabulary. Alzheimers is a cruel disease that is hard on the family as well as the patient. Do you have outside help for her. like nursing? This may help, so you can get a little help on a daily basis. It is so hard to watch your parents grow old. Take care. Love, Dawn

ihart 09/24/2011
Sandy,
There are agencies out there that could help. Depending on the financial status there are medacaid programs like Passport , another is called Options and they are very helpful. You may also want to see if Hospice is an option. There are many folks on Hospice with Alzheimers.
I think you are so very sad right now cause you are mourning the loss of the mom you used to know. The symptoms are the same as grief . Please find yourself a support group , there is a lot of help out there but you have to do the work to find them. Hugs, Inga

MomofJosh 09/24/2011
Oh Sweet Sandi,
I lost my mom from Alzheimer\'s too. My father took care of her until she died so it was a little different. It was very difficult for him but since my father in law had passed from it a dozen years before, I knew what struggles my Dad was about to deal with. I also did pet assisted therapy in nursing homes and observed many different Alzheimer\'s patients during their stay.

I talked to my mom on the phone a couple times a week and to her I was her mother, her sister, her daughter, her friend depending on the moment. It could change in seconds and I just held on to give my father a much needed break and to give my mom a sense of normalcy, accepting her for who she was. One time she asked me \"Who are all those people?\" I knew there wasn\'t anyone in the house but my dad. I told her to tell me about them. Other people made her very uncomfortable. She always thought she heard music and swore it was wired in their home through the heat and air ducts from their neighbors.

One night my father heard a very abrupt, loud banging on their front door. It was the police with my mother in her pajamas, robe, one slipper, and no teeth. My mother would have been horrified and ashamed of herself if she was \"in her own mind.\" Of course she had no identification with her but for some reason remembered their address and thus the police knew where to take her. My mother hid behind my father like a young child while my dad tried to explain. When the officer gave my father his business card she smiled shyly without any teeth and asked if she could have one too.

The hardest thing to try to get my very logical father to understand was that she could not be reasoned with. As the Alz. Assoc. told me, \"Her reasoner was broke.\" I kept working with my dad to distract her instead of trying to make her understand because she never would.

Sandi, there is a type of Alzheimer\'s that is called \"Early Onset.\" This type sets in very early in life, the 40\'s or the 50\'s and they think this type of Alzheimer\'s is inherited. Otherwise, if Alzheimer\'s strikes later in life they do not presently think there are any family genetic ties. I agree with Dawn about the ways to keep your mind sharp. I also would add exercise to keep blood flowing to your head. Inga is also correct because there is a lot of help out there that if you seek it. There is even a 24 hour National Help Line to assist you if you decide to keep your mother living with you.

Sandi you are mourning the loss of your mom as well as the loss of your son. You are also dealing with your own health. All of it together is very hard. I lost my mom in 2007 and Josh in 2009. My struggles were very different but if you wish to talk you know how to reach me. I have a double ear infection so the phone is difficult for me to use right now, but if you have the voice to yell and the patience to repeat yourself over and over, I would be happy to talk with you. lol

With love,
Leda

rcoco 09/24/2011
We each live and love within our pain, we each walk a path within our pain, somewhere within the pain is awareness. I implore you to tap into whatever community, gov\'t, elder, etc. services that may be available to you. Seeking help is a step out of despair.
Instead of \"what if\", I like to say, \"wouldn\'t it be wonderful if\", and then fill in the blank with joy. Sandi, I sincerely hope that you can shift your focus and find the peace that is yours to claim. Even within the most tragic circumstance lies a gift. Love and light, Rebecca

KandL 09/25/2011
Gentle hugs, Linda

Abotsd 09/25/2011
Sorry, hope your Mom turns out not to have dementia. abby

lionheartsmom 10/04/2011
So sad for you and your mom. Continuing prayers. love and peace, Roselle