end of my rope
I told T he can't live here anymore. I told him that I can't stand how he treats us and does as he pleases. I am not feeling well - which may have added to my mood. He said he'd leave. I told him that I love him but I cannot take his abuse anymore.
I added that unless he follows our very simple rules - he cannot live here. This is the first time I've actually said it. He was verbally abusive and swore at me. I think I got to him though. Not sure what he's going to decide for now. His friend's mom has had with him too. Maybe it's because I've been talking to her. She, on the other hand, is a MAJOR enabler and even T can see that. He said she blames T for both of her sons' behavior. Talking to her I believe that. She doles out money and buys packs of cigarettes everyday for her kids. Bought a car for one of them and is constantly giving them money. Both of them were arrested the other night coming back from a party. T wasn't with them. He did go to the concert with the money my husband gave him.
Feeling better just writing this down.
UPDATE: I REALLY LAID THE LAW DOWN WITH T. I TOLD HIM THAT I'M NOT REPLACING THE BATTERY ON THE GARAGE DOOR OPENER - WHICH MEANS HE'D BETTER BE HOME ON TIME. NO MORE SLEEPING AT FRIEND'S HOUSES - NO MORE GOING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME WITHOUT CALLING. NO MORE TEXTING - I WANT TO HEAR HIS VOICE. * I ENDED UP WRITING ANOTHER LETTER BUT THIS ONE WAS MUCH MORE FORCEFUL. I TOLD HIM IF HE CONTINUES TO BEHAVE IN THIS MANNER - HE IS OUT OF THE HOUSE!
* HE LATER GAVE ME A HUGE HUG AND APOLOGIZED. I'M NOT SURE IF WAS SINCERE OR NOT BUT IT'S MORE THAN WHAT HE USED TO DO. ACTIONS WILL PROVE HOW "SORRY" HE IS.
I added that unless he follows our very simple rules - he cannot live here. This is the first time I've actually said it. He was verbally abusive and swore at me. I think I got to him though. Not sure what he's going to decide for now. His friend's mom has had with him too. Maybe it's because I've been talking to her. She, on the other hand, is a MAJOR enabler and even T can see that. He said she blames T for both of her sons' behavior. Talking to her I believe that. She doles out money and buys packs of cigarettes everyday for her kids. Bought a car for one of them and is constantly giving them money. Both of them were arrested the other night coming back from a party. T wasn't with them. He did go to the concert with the money my husband gave him.
Feeling better just writing this down.
UPDATE: I REALLY LAID THE LAW DOWN WITH T. I TOLD HIM THAT I'M NOT REPLACING THE BATTERY ON THE GARAGE DOOR OPENER - WHICH MEANS HE'D BETTER BE HOME ON TIME. NO MORE SLEEPING AT FRIEND'S HOUSES - NO MORE GOING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME WITHOUT CALLING. NO MORE TEXTING - I WANT TO HEAR HIS VOICE. * I ENDED UP WRITING ANOTHER LETTER BUT THIS ONE WAS MUCH MORE FORCEFUL. I TOLD HIM IF HE CONTINUES TO BEHAVE IN THIS MANNER - HE IS OUT OF THE HOUSE!
* HE LATER GAVE ME A HUGE HUG AND APOLOGIZED. I'M NOT SURE IF WAS SINCERE OR NOT BUT IT'S MORE THAN WHAT HE USED TO DO. ACTIONS WILL PROVE HOW "SORRY" HE IS.
Replies
It\'s very difficult for an addict to realize how his actions impact others. I know this was very difficult for you, but it seems to have been the right thing to do. At least it\'s helped him have a temporary \"change of attitude\". Addiction and addictive behaviors can bevery difficult to change, though.
the road he has chosen is paved with good intentions......without your husbands participation in this conversation, I wonder what long term impact it will have. From a practical standpoint, do you have a locksmith ready to change the locks if you have to ask him to leave? I am really sorry that it has come to this; you have bent over backwards to get him support and/or give him the benefit of the doubt!!!!! In the meantime, please put your needs first. TAKE CARE!!!!
Tough road ahead for T. You are at the end of your road and have taken a good turn toward a better life!! You have done so much, and now T will have to face the consequences of his actions. We can\'t keep trying to \"raise\" them ya know? We\'ve done that. You have faced so much and have stuck to your plan. I admire this and hope you will be taking care of yourself now. I agree with these great comments and hope you\'ll weather this storm ok. We are all here for each other right?
We told our son, \"DO SOMETHING\". He\'s made excuses, lame aplogies, stated \"plans\" that don\'t exist. Meanwhile, we\'ve all suffered withe the lying, stealing, obnoxious behavior. I\'d say with your son\'s age it\'s time to announce that he needs to find a place to live and give him a deadline. He has to know that you mean it. Are you able to do that? What I\'m really saying is, Am I able to do that? Hugs to you.
You have done everything to help him get on the road to recovery, Its so hard to see that little kid that was so sweet and dear destroy their lives. But when it starts to effect and upset the whole family you don\'t have a choice. He has made a choice not to respect you. Drugs as you know have robbed him of rational thinking. I\'ve been there as you know, its hard and fearful to give ultimatums. May God give you strength and peace. LOL, jOY