End of May What Can\'t wait for June Bug!

Well it’s the end of May and I have to say that my birthday was not all that great but I did get some great presents.  My grandmother made this quilt for me that is very special and it’s very unique hand woven.  I am scared to even put it on my bed because she said the same type of quilt is worth over 1K from the Amish people.  I am sure they overprice things though. My parents just let me buy some shirts because after having this illness I have lost and gained weight and my body is kind of disproportioned it seems like my love handles have got a lot larger, which I am working on every day by diet and exercise.  I went to my first drag show for this girls 18th birthday party.  It was umm very different, I have to say I had fun and didn’t get hit on to be surprised there was a few other straight people there.  That’s probley the highlight of my month.    I have had a couple of violent splurges and it’s really tough to maintain yourself when you have a pretty rough past, I am trying to change and it’s so hard to change your Habits, lifestyle, Diet, Relationships, Spiritual View, because that’s what I have to do in order to be a better person I have realized that in my past 7 or so years of my life I have been living a very toxic and negative environment.  I have learned a lot and honestly it has made me the person I am today, but I have discovered things I wish I wouldn’t have and went a little to far with some things.  I have always been the type of person that likes to push things to the limit and being bipolar this can probley be dangerous.  I don’t know how much the human mind can take but mine has took a lot of crazy stuff.    It’s very odd that I can say that and still feel normal in a certain extent it makes me think that my mind is not as bad as what I think it is.  I do have my spells of short-term memory blockage and also being able to put together cognitive sentences.  The last couple days I have been impressed with my brain function and since I have been changing my lifestyle drastically I am praying that I can continue my progress going forward.  I know that there are people that look after me such as my mom and dad and my I guess you can say adopted father in a weird perspective and I really appreciate the things they have showed me in life.  I have learned dedication, loyalty, trust, honesty, from my real dad and from my adopted father have shown me to never take things at face value and trust what comes from within.    I don’t know much about him but he seems to know a lot about me.  He has pushed me into being a better person and I really want to thank him for that. I just need to keep up my progress and maybe I can have some more good years of life left to figure out what my purpose is.   Well going into June I will no longer have health insurance, I may qualify for a spin down program from my local SSI office for hospitalizations, which that will be a blessing because I know that if something internally goes wrong or if I come down with something bad I will have to take the pain. I am sure I am get minimal help and I don’t ask for the best quality but I just want to know I will be stable if something bad happens and not have to suffer to long.  Sorry that whole last statement was somewhat negative.To better health in June and to a better me.  ----Nick