empty space
So today he called...I purposefully missed it. I get tired of being there when he's availabel but he's never available when I need him. I called back 30 minutes later knowing he was busy but it was leaving the ball in his court.
He called back an hour later, I was actually busy talking to my mom but i still waiting another two hours before I called back. He answered......I said hi and he sounded...depressed. Not that he didnt want to speak to me but he didn't sound happy to ya know. I said nothing...I always start the conversatoin and keep it going. Unless of course it is something that HE wants to talk about and he called me....But the day to day, I miss you, how are you....empty space. So I said " Ok, i'll let you go" He said ok
we hung up
Is it me? I have a million things to say, I want to share every sec of my morning with him. The new things i read, the things the kids did, the looks I got from my batman shirt at Preschool drop off. But...I hate talking about myself. And only myself with no imput from him. Just "uh uh, and oks"..How do I get this man to notice me? To miss me? To desire me again? I'm really hating this long distance thing. And before at least we had costumes to plan for October, and Turkey talk for November....but March? nothing....
I'm not sleeping, I use to love to sleep. It was very easy for me. I lie awake till 1 am. I wake up just fine at 6am too. I go about my day. Take kids to school, I forced myself to eat lunch bc I nkow I should.
I know this is depression but i feel fine. I have no bad thoughts, i'm just lonley and bored. I am not one of those humans who enjoys solitude. I would love to start a puzzle but I don't have the space. And books only made me miss him more bc og the genre I enjoy reading.
I live in a smaller town and I looked into a cooking class. But all they have are the kind where you watch a chef prepare and then you enjoy. I want to interact and cook along with him.
He called back an hour later, I was actually busy talking to my mom but i still waiting another two hours before I called back. He answered......I said hi and he sounded...depressed. Not that he didnt want to speak to me but he didn't sound happy to ya know. I said nothing...I always start the conversatoin and keep it going. Unless of course it is something that HE wants to talk about and he called me....But the day to day, I miss you, how are you....empty space. So I said " Ok, i'll let you go" He said ok
we hung up
Is it me? I have a million things to say, I want to share every sec of my morning with him. The new things i read, the things the kids did, the looks I got from my batman shirt at Preschool drop off. But...I hate talking about myself. And only myself with no imput from him. Just "uh uh, and oks"..How do I get this man to notice me? To miss me? To desire me again? I'm really hating this long distance thing. And before at least we had costumes to plan for October, and Turkey talk for November....but March? nothing....
I'm not sleeping, I use to love to sleep. It was very easy for me. I lie awake till 1 am. I wake up just fine at 6am too. I go about my day. Take kids to school, I forced myself to eat lunch bc I nkow I should.
I know this is depression but i feel fine. I have no bad thoughts, i'm just lonley and bored. I am not one of those humans who enjoys solitude. I would love to start a puzzle but I don't have the space. And books only made me miss him more bc og the genre I enjoy reading.
I live in a smaller town and I looked into a cooking class. But all they have are the kind where you watch a chef prepare and then you enjoy. I want to interact and cook along with him.
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