Empty Nest

Well I made it through the wedding, I stayed at the reception until after the dinner. They were talking about a mother-son dance. No way was I going to put myself out there. My son was grateful I think. His wife's mother had just passed in July, she was about twenty years younger than I when she died.  The grandmother was my age and still very raw. I mean the woman looked so sad. How could I go dancing with my son in front of that. What if I had just lost a child? I know it would kill me to see that.
I'm thankful to be at home now and able to function without the help of medication again. I hate having to be on that stuff. Many who need it say the same. But like them, I have such terrible social anxiety I can feel myself losing control, then suffer for days afterward thinking about how weird I had been. I envy people who can hold it together naturally.  Still hoping someday I too will be like that.