Empty

i dont know what to do, who to go to for help, who to trust. i feel... i hate all my classes. they are all full at least one enemy who kicked me out of their group. why is the million dollar question. how do i survive. i feel like self harming myself right now, when my parents fall asleep i will. i feel burdened by my own problems feelings and family problems. i though i could trust these people, now they dont even give me a nod. what has changed. i am still the same person. i will never fit in with the group i sit with. they are too tight. i dont think i will ever find a group that will make me feel wanted. i am just a person everyone knows and now is tired of. today i threw out my lunch, sat on the toilet for half an hour till my next class started. why doesnt anyone at school want to sit with me, be my friend. am i that ugly. am i that fat. i always thought of myself as someone with many friends. it just hasnt hit me till now. i'm in year 9 and i still havent got a friendship group. i still dont know who i am friends with. i still dont know who are my enemies. i feel betrayed by everyone at school. i just want one bestie. someone who will support me, love me, want me, get my jokes, help me. i dont even know how to hold a conversation. i dont think i ve had a proper conversation since 2 years. i just dont want to talk, becasuse the conversation will always end up with me having to talk about my life. i hate talking about myself because i hate myself.