Emotions and Choices

I HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, EMOTIONALLY SPEAKING, MY LITTLE PEA SIZED BRAIN IS HAVING A HARD TIME PROCESSING IT ALL... I HAVE THIS GUY, WHO TO HIS CREDIT , REALLY REALLY LOVES ME, HE'D DO ANYTHING FOR ME, SO UR READING THIS THINKING WHATS WRONG WITH THAT RIGHT? WELL THE THING IS, AND I DON'T KNOW IF THIS EVEN MAKES SENSE, I'M NOT SURE I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES, SIGH...... HE IS GONNA READ THIS AND TAKE IT AS ME BREAKING UP OR WANTING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM.... BUT THIS IS MY JOURNAL AND I WILL VENT MY FEELINGS, JUST THE WAY I AM... AS IF THIS ISN'T ENOUGH ON MY PLATE I HAVE A JOB OFFER IN ST. LOUIS- YES ITS ONLY WALMART- BUT OMG I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE THE JOB AND WORK WITH MY OLD CO WORKERS AGAIN AND LAUGH AND HAVE FUN AT NIGHT, I LOVED AND HATED THAT JOB FOR SO MANY REASONS! THEY SAID THEY WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ME BACK, ONLY PROBLEM IS- IF I TOOK IT- I'D HAVE TO EITHER STAY IN A MOTEL OR WITH MY EX AND OMG THATS NOT GOOD, HE WOULD KICK ME OUT BEFORE I HAD MONEY SAVED UP TO START OUT ON MY OWN,  SO THEN OK UR THINKING HMMMMMM THIS IS A LOT SHE'S GOING THROUGH- NOT DONE YET ! MY EX WHOM I WAS WITH FOR 6 YEARS COMES BACK INTO MY LIFE RECENTLY- HE JUST EMAILS AND CALLS OUT OF THE BLUE AND HE IS SAYIN HE LOVES ME WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND WE WILL BE TOGETHER SOMEWAY SOMEHOW, AND NO KEITH I DIDNT TELL U THIS CAUSE ITS NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME AND U WE WOULD'VE STARTED FIGHTING.... THEN THERE IS MY SISTER- LATELY SHE IS ALWAYS PISSED AT ME AND I'M THE ONE WHO WATCHES HER KIDS, COOKS, CLEANS HER HOUSE, DOES THE LAUNDRY AND ALL AND I CAN'T STAND BEING HERE- I WANT OUT SO BAD ! MY FRIENDS ARE TELLING ME TO COME TO INDY WHERE THEY ARE AND YES I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THEM- BUT NO I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THERE- DON'T WANNA LIVE IN TENNESSEE EITHER, I WANNA BE IN ST LOUIS SO BAD ! I WANT IT ALL ! IF I LEAVE HERE I LOSE MY SISTER, AND MY FRIENDS, CAUSE THEY THINK I ONLY WANT TO MOVE THERE CAUSE MY EX IS FROM THERE- SOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TRUE ! I JUST SIMPLY WANT TO LIVE IN THE CITY I FELL IN LOVE WITH ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! COULD POSSIBLY EVEN LOSE MY BF IF I MOVE THERE,I HAVE MY NEPHEWS SCREAMING IN MY EARS AND SUPPOSED TO BABYSIT ONE MORE KID TODAY- MY NERVES CAN'T TAKE THIS- I HAVE PLENTY OF PATIENCE WITH MY PUPPY BUT NO SO MUCH WITH KIDS ANYMORE...... WHAT TO DO , WHAT TO DO? THATS WHATS ON MY MIND 24/7 AND I'M NEVER CLOSE TO AN ANSWER, I JUST THINK AND THINK AND THINK- AND IT SUCKS ! I PRAY GOD WILL TAKE SOME OF THESE BURDENS OFF MY SHOULDERS, BUT I'M SO FRUSTRATED ! I WANT TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE BUT I DON'T WANNA DO IT BASED ON EMOTIONS............ OK ENDING MY JOURNAL FOR TODAY I HAVE TO GET UP AND DO SOMETHING BESIDES WRITE..........