emotional turmoil
I am feeling apprehensive about coming out to my wife, I want to tell her but I.... guess I'm scared. Yes, I fear how she will react, thats probably normal. She keeps making comments seemingly out of "left field" that catch me off gaurd, I don't know if that is because I'm preoccupied with coming out to her, but it makes me more hesitant to go through with it.
Probably doesn't help I've been going through major attraction swings. I don't believe I am gay, I still swing toward women. Lately I seem to be fixated on the male aspect of gender. At my new location for work I am constantly in the presence of women who are not attractive to me at all. One of them is a good friend the other is a recent divorcee and is "acting out", not behaving like a 40-something should IMO, very immature. Before I go on a tangent.....
I love my wife, guess it boils down to I don't want to hurt or lose her. These are probably common fears but they are new to me. Fear is the mind-killer, thank you Mua'dib! I'm tired of feeling scared. Denial is a bitch, why couldn't I just accept this 20-something years ago? I feel so selfish right now, me, me, me. Maybe I should be? I've been living for other people for so long, I lost myself along the way. Are these thoughts and feelings normal? Who wants to be normal anyway?
Probably doesn't help I've been going through major attraction swings. I don't believe I am gay, I still swing toward women. Lately I seem to be fixated on the male aspect of gender. At my new location for work I am constantly in the presence of women who are not attractive to me at all. One of them is a good friend the other is a recent divorcee and is "acting out", not behaving like a 40-something should IMO, very immature. Before I go on a tangent.....
I love my wife, guess it boils down to I don't want to hurt or lose her. These are probably common fears but they are new to me. Fear is the mind-killer, thank you Mua'dib! I'm tired of feeling scared. Denial is a bitch, why couldn't I just accept this 20-something years ago? I feel so selfish right now, me, me, me. Maybe I should be? I've been living for other people for so long, I lost myself along the way. Are these thoughts and feelings normal? Who wants to be normal anyway?
Replies
They must be normal because I felt them too. Regret (big one), living your life for others so long, selfish for being so preoccupied with it and having desires that could turn your family upside down. You are not alone...
What kinds of things has your wife been saying that bother you? Do they make you think twice about telling her? You\'ll get there...
Thank you Jupiter! I needed to hear that.
I feel like I am going through a \"second puberty\", all these \"wierd\' feelings.
She makes comments that make me think, she thinks I am going to cheat on her. I have never and will never cheat on her, not in my DNA so to speak. I wouldn\'t want to be cheated on, so I wouldn\'t do that to someone else. Admittedly, our sex-life is ....inconsistant. We will go months sometimes without, then \"rabbits\" for a few weeks. I haven\'t linked them to my \"swings\" yet, will have to keep track. Life and our Daughter get in the way most of the time though. She can be very insecure at times as well. I make an effort to make sure she knows I love her, in the dry times especially. Overall it just makes me feel like she won\'t take it well.
Second puberty, like that one lol. Good luck trying to figure if your sex life aligns with your \"swings\". With a little one that is just so many variables. We have two and our sex life is very inconsistent, life piles in layers and sometimes you just don\'t know what is throwing things off.
So it sounds like your afraid of your wife\'s insecurities. Maybe she senses there is something bugging you. This could make her feel insecure if she sees you distracted and has no idea why. You know your wife best I am just wondering if hearing this might relieve her? When I told my husband he asked if I had been seeing someone, I said no and he went back to sleep. Just food for thought, good luck and hang in there. I do understand as much as it shouldn\'t be, it is more complicated for bi males. Hugs, Jup.
That is a good point, about seeing me distracted. I have been distracted alot, I tend to be very introverted, probably doesn\'t help. That may be the case, I hope you\'re right! She has a few lesbian/bi \"girl friends\", at least that is a small comfort.
Growing up she had dealt with a lot of mental abuse from her Ex-stepdad, I wonder if there is some overlap there, too? I have been trying and at least partially succeeding with re-building her self esteem during our whole relationship (14 years) it takes time, just frustrating when she \"relapses\" into old habbits. Thanks again! Hugs -D
Hi dragon, when you love someone unconditionally, it doesn\'t matter who you are. If they love you the same then they will be loving and supportive. I\'m so proud of you wanting to tell your wife. Yes she will have the emotions that I had but talking in depth about it is the key. Much love and support your way x