emotional state
I know most of us have changed since our tbi with our emotional state but I was not at all prepared for how drastic mine has changed me. I used to be the most stable person mentally. I could handle anything. Me and my dad were the backbone for my family. Now I'm an emotional roller coaster mess. One minute I'm fine and I can conquer the world, the next, when I find out I might not be able to pay my bills again I'm contemplating suicide, thankfully I snap out of it but what the hell is wrong with me. I've never been like this. It's easter for crying out loud and I'm in my room and i can't get out of my own skin. I mean I'm ok right now but I seriously don't understand what is going on with me.I'm scared cause I have a neuropsych test tomorrow and i'm afraid she's gonna lock me up or something. I pray to god she doesn't ask how my weekend went.I just hope they can find out whats wrong with me, I just feel like when I hit my head some switch went off, cause i'm so different now and I'm so scared I'll never be me again. I don't like this new me, I'm not happy anymore, I'm just so scared, confused, and tired all time.I know it has alot to do with my financial worries, but ugh, I gotta stop typing. I just need to be happy that's all. And I don't know how to be.
Replies
Ok firstly let me say this is the place for you to come and type away winge complain whatever because we get it and we want to help you out. You are having a hard time right now but you know the next person who is having a hard time you may well be the one to help them out so never apologise for needing to let of steam.
The testing is a good thing as you know you have problems, we all do on this site but just think when you can find out what problems you have you can start being treated for them and working on them and that is a good thing.
I know how low you can get as I can get like taht too and think that there is no way out and no point when I am in my darkest hours but sometimes we have to shake ourselves up and remember taht this is hopefully the hardest time in our lives and I can almost be certain that whatever happens in the future nothing will be this hard to deal with. Bad stuff could still happen but if we can survive a tbi and all the crap that goes along with it, I really believe taht nothing can be that bad after, justa few speed bumps along the way.
You are in the middle of it now but i promise you you will get back on top of it all again and I can tell you too that all the hard things you are dealing with now will only make you stronger and tougher than ever before. Once you get through this hard time, there may be some tough times but nothing will be so hard.
I am tired all the time too and its so frustrating but tahts the way it is. You know things could be worse, ahrd to believe but it could, you will get through this and make a good life again for yourself again, a better life maybe as you have dealt with all this head on. Nobody would want to mess with someone as tough as you. We\'ll get there, it\'s a long journey but we are well on the way
I wish I had magic words . . . all I can say is . . . hang in there. \"This, too, shall pass.\" I firmly believe we are tested in life, and that there are hidden blessings in the bad things we endure. I, too, am in a bad place, not being able to stay strong or positive. Feeling that at every turn there is a new battle, or a new loss. And the financial thing . . . adds to a plate so full its breaking . . . but you can do it. Just as I know I can do it, too. We have been given these challenges because we ARE strong enough.
A favorite quote from one of my favorite shows:
\"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Where ever we are is the right place and the right time. The pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being reborn.\"
Delenn, Babylon 5
love that quote before I think the universe put me in a place to really understand it . . .
I remember those many moments that I went from peaceful to major personality change and the worst was I did it only in front of my two kids. I remember feeling first so awful for them and second I was angry because I couldn\'t control my roller coaster that took for me. Just knowing that you can vent with friends here on DS goes a long way, regardless of the issues you are having to deal with.
I pray that God will cover you with His love and will use other people to give you the encouragement you need when you need it the most. Amen