Emotional Spirals

Sometimes I sit back and wonder will my dad ever come back around and want to be in my life. Was the issue that bad, that he doesn't want to talk to myself or sisters forever? I have tried to forgive him and at times I think I have, but I hit these stages where I want to hate him all over again. Like why? why did you leave us, why aren't you here for us as I am growing into this woman that needs advice and support from her father? Why can't you be here to witness all the accomplishments your daughters have achieved?He gladly walks this earth knowing he has three daughters that need him and he doesn't want any parts of their lives or their children's lives. I remember the fun times we shared, the happy times when we all sat around and laughed together. The advice he used to give, the positive image he showed us to work hard and be your own business owner. At times I hate myself because out of all of us, I am the most like him. I have his sense of humor, his drive to be a boss and the one period in his life where he had a heart. I don't know what happened to his heart over the years, I pray for it though. I pray he finds forgiveness and peace and hopefully be a father to my sisters and myself one day. I don't know how to control the emotional spirals I get into. There are long periods of peace and then there are momemts of extreme sadness and yearning for a father. Any advice anyone? I have reached out to him and he doesn't want anythint to do with me.