Emotional Rollercoaster
Aloha
So as some of you may know the last few weeks maybe even month now has been quite an emotional rollercoaster for me. I got news about a month ago from relatives that the other woman died and had anxiety over it, predicted that my estranged father *might* want to contact one of us. Then I thought, "No don't think that way, forget about it, ignore and problem will go away!"
2weeks ago had a friend over for lunch who was over for Christmas when mom was here visiting, she is originally from Kenya and we click very nicely, finish each other's thought process, laugh uncontrollably, etc. Sunday night spoke to her on the phone she said she wasn't feeling very well, and then Tue got a call from the pastor she never woke up that morning. I'm still in shock. It was a very nice memorial, btw.
But then Wed morning I opened my laptop (while grieving about Bee's death) and behold a message on my FB from my estranged father "Dear so&so, this is your dad... I miss you and your brothers... we should skype... tell me about you and your husband...." I fully freaked out.
Not to mention that weekend Bee was over for lunch we got conned buying a car (we our selling our toyota before we move) by someone with a fake name and information, called the cops but they could not track him down. We had no pic and my husband gave him cash! Anyway, so I haven't been able to sleep for days at this point and the message from my father made it worse.
I tried coming up with a response in case I decided to say something back. I tried for a several days but my mind was occupied by the car thing and by the loss of my friend. Plus my mom was having several health problems. One of them I thought she was going to need to go the hospital for. I have been beyond stressed out. I am emotionally drained.
My husband and I haven't been getting along either, despite getting marriage counseling starting in Jan. The counselor gives us little homework assignments each time but I feel like it doesn't get to the bottom of our issues.
For example, the 1st week we had to thank each other each day for something or spend a few mins listening to the other person talk about their day. Half the time he didn't even remember the homework, and when it was my time to talk he still cut me off. When the homework assignment is over and we were assigned a new one, we never kept on doing the old one. And that's even if we successfully did it. For example the next one was we each had to take the other out on a date and we had to think out side of the box (do something other than our usual stuff). It just so happened this assignment occurred over Valentine's Day weekend. When it was my turn I was sick with that virus going around so I ordered a huge NY size pizza for delivery. when V-day came around, well that whole weekend was a disaster. I even had to buy my own chocolates. And as far as his turn to take me out on a date, well....(crickets).... I'm still waiting, and we're into March now. So yeah, we failed that assignment.
We're into the next assignment now which is to practice communicating during a disagreement. When one person communicates a thought the other person has to repeat it in their own words what they think the other person is saying. So far, this has been a total fail. He won't even let me finish my sentence before he cuts me off to argue. And repeat my thought back to me? What is that? Not on his radar. Even worse, the other night he pretty much called me a drama queen and said I'm unhappy with everything in life. Thanks, honey. Nice to know you LOVE being around me so much.
And then there's the arguments about why I have to take fibro meds, sleep aids, why can't I "train" my body to sleep, etc, etc.... and all the guilt trips that come with it. PLus the other day he pretty much blamed me for everyhting wrong in his life. I told him I am at my breaking point and can't take the guilt anymore, and afraid we will end up in divorce (something he mentioned a few months ago). Then he said I'm always looking for ways to threaten a divorce. Actually I've never "threatened" a divorce. Last year a couple of times I said I needed to go stay at a friend's place for the weekend to get away from the drama. The only one who mentioned divorce was him.
Also still trying to get this MRI referral sorted out at the VA for a month now. I fell in the bathroom back in Sep on some steps and still can't sit right. Need to get it happening so I can begin the process of transferring everything over to the Maui clinic. But the VA has been giving me the run around all this time. They told me someone will call me today, but they said that 2 weeks ago. If I don't hear anything by close of business today, I'm going to patient advocate tomorrow. And to their supervisor if they won't help me.
Also in news, got word last week from relatives (they flooded my email and FB) that my estranged father had a stroke. They were asking for money because he's broke and needs to get to a hospital (this is in a foreign country, you have to pay on the spot if you want treatment). One of my uncles was asking for my phone number to add to this app some kind of chatroom thing on your phone I guess that many of my relatives were using to communicate to each other so I could follow updates on my dad. I asked if that means my dad gets my number and will be communicating to me, he said yes. So I told him absolutely not. He told me to pray about it. I hate it when people use God to lay on your guilt.
I told my older brother it's ok to call me and let me know if he gets treatment or is ok, but keep me out of all that crap. I can't handle it, going through way too much right now. And don't know what to say to that man. I can only deal with one thing at a time. If and when I ever have mental space to deal with him then I'll deal with it then. And maybe then I'll message him. Maybe.
Going to Maui March 18-23rd to look at housing. So far not many options. Everytime something opens up for rent and I send them a message or call, they respond saying someone jsut leased it. And I keep seeing ads for people on Maui looking for places to rent. I thought that it was bad on Oahu because the population is dense here and since Maui is country it would be easier. Turns out housing on Maui is in much higher demand. Anxious about it.
That's all folks for now... sorry it's so loooonggggg......
So much happened lately. God bless. Will try and update more often so it's shorter.
So as some of you may know the last few weeks maybe even month now has been quite an emotional rollercoaster for me. I got news about a month ago from relatives that the other woman died and had anxiety over it, predicted that my estranged father *might* want to contact one of us. Then I thought, "No don't think that way, forget about it, ignore and problem will go away!"
2weeks ago had a friend over for lunch who was over for Christmas when mom was here visiting, she is originally from Kenya and we click very nicely, finish each other's thought process, laugh uncontrollably, etc. Sunday night spoke to her on the phone she said she wasn't feeling very well, and then Tue got a call from the pastor she never woke up that morning. I'm still in shock. It was a very nice memorial, btw.
But then Wed morning I opened my laptop (while grieving about Bee's death) and behold a message on my FB from my estranged father "Dear so&so, this is your dad... I miss you and your brothers... we should skype... tell me about you and your husband...." I fully freaked out.
Not to mention that weekend Bee was over for lunch we got conned buying a car (we our selling our toyota before we move) by someone with a fake name and information, called the cops but they could not track him down. We had no pic and my husband gave him cash! Anyway, so I haven't been able to sleep for days at this point and the message from my father made it worse.
I tried coming up with a response in case I decided to say something back. I tried for a several days but my mind was occupied by the car thing and by the loss of my friend. Plus my mom was having several health problems. One of them I thought she was going to need to go the hospital for. I have been beyond stressed out. I am emotionally drained.
My husband and I haven't been getting along either, despite getting marriage counseling starting in Jan. The counselor gives us little homework assignments each time but I feel like it doesn't get to the bottom of our issues.
For example, the 1st week we had to thank each other each day for something or spend a few mins listening to the other person talk about their day. Half the time he didn't even remember the homework, and when it was my time to talk he still cut me off. When the homework assignment is over and we were assigned a new one, we never kept on doing the old one. And that's even if we successfully did it. For example the next one was we each had to take the other out on a date and we had to think out side of the box (do something other than our usual stuff). It just so happened this assignment occurred over Valentine's Day weekend. When it was my turn I was sick with that virus going around so I ordered a huge NY size pizza for delivery. when V-day came around, well that whole weekend was a disaster. I even had to buy my own chocolates. And as far as his turn to take me out on a date, well....(crickets).... I'm still waiting, and we're into March now. So yeah, we failed that assignment.
We're into the next assignment now which is to practice communicating during a disagreement. When one person communicates a thought the other person has to repeat it in their own words what they think the other person is saying. So far, this has been a total fail. He won't even let me finish my sentence before he cuts me off to argue. And repeat my thought back to me? What is that? Not on his radar. Even worse, the other night he pretty much called me a drama queen and said I'm unhappy with everything in life. Thanks, honey. Nice to know you LOVE being around me so much.
And then there's the arguments about why I have to take fibro meds, sleep aids, why can't I "train" my body to sleep, etc, etc.... and all the guilt trips that come with it. PLus the other day he pretty much blamed me for everyhting wrong in his life. I told him I am at my breaking point and can't take the guilt anymore, and afraid we will end up in divorce (something he mentioned a few months ago). Then he said I'm always looking for ways to threaten a divorce. Actually I've never "threatened" a divorce. Last year a couple of times I said I needed to go stay at a friend's place for the weekend to get away from the drama. The only one who mentioned divorce was him.
Also still trying to get this MRI referral sorted out at the VA for a month now. I fell in the bathroom back in Sep on some steps and still can't sit right. Need to get it happening so I can begin the process of transferring everything over to the Maui clinic. But the VA has been giving me the run around all this time. They told me someone will call me today, but they said that 2 weeks ago. If I don't hear anything by close of business today, I'm going to patient advocate tomorrow. And to their supervisor if they won't help me.
Also in news, got word last week from relatives (they flooded my email and FB) that my estranged father had a stroke. They were asking for money because he's broke and needs to get to a hospital (this is in a foreign country, you have to pay on the spot if you want treatment). One of my uncles was asking for my phone number to add to this app some kind of chatroom thing on your phone I guess that many of my relatives were using to communicate to each other so I could follow updates on my dad. I asked if that means my dad gets my number and will be communicating to me, he said yes. So I told him absolutely not. He told me to pray about it. I hate it when people use God to lay on your guilt.
I told my older brother it's ok to call me and let me know if he gets treatment or is ok, but keep me out of all that crap. I can't handle it, going through way too much right now. And don't know what to say to that man. I can only deal with one thing at a time. If and when I ever have mental space to deal with him then I'll deal with it then. And maybe then I'll message him. Maybe.
Going to Maui March 18-23rd to look at housing. So far not many options. Everytime something opens up for rent and I send them a message or call, they respond saying someone jsut leased it. And I keep seeing ads for people on Maui looking for places to rent. I thought that it was bad on Oahu because the population is dense here and since Maui is country it would be easier. Turns out housing on Maui is in much higher demand. Anxious about it.
That's all folks for now... sorry it's so loooonggggg......
So much happened lately. God bless. Will try and update more often so it's shorter.
Replies
34 AND SO MUCH GOING ON, JUST SIT AND THINK OF WHATS GOOD AND WHATS BAD, CUT THE BAD AND FOLLOW GOOD, THE LORD WILL GUIDE YOU, AS FOR YOUR E F NOBODY SHOULD TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, HE LEFT YOUR MUM FOR ANOTHER WOMAN, WOULD SHE BE HURT IF YOU START COMMUNICATING WITH HIM, ALSO IS THIS GOOD FOR YOU AFTER ALL THIS TIME, AS FOR USING \'\'GOD\'\' WELL THEY WILL ANSWER FOR ANY VAIN WORD THEY SAY.
HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND REKINDLE THE LOVE YOU SHARED IN THE BEGINNING, LET THE SPARK SHINE AGAIN, YOU DON\'T NEED COUNSELLING YOU NEED TO LOVE AND COMFORT EACH OTHER, BE HONEST AND ASK HIM IF HE STIL LOVES YOU, DEALING WITH FIBRO IS ALREADY TERRIBLE HAVING SOMEONE UNSUPPORTIVE IS NOT WHAT WE NEED, TALK, TALK, TALK, BE HONEST AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL**
HAVE A GOOD EASTER, THE LORD BE WITH YOU, SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, I TOO LOST AN OLD FRIEND , ITS LIFE, WE ARE IN HIS HANDS, LETS BE GOOD AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER, HUGS , IN \'\'\'CHRIST\'\' LUCY**