Emotional Intelligence and conflict
the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
Conflict 101
A conflict is more than just a disagreement.It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
Conflicts continue to fester when ignored.Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
We respond to conflicts based on our perceptionsof the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
Conflicts trigger strong emotions.If you arent comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you wont be able to resolve conflict successfully.
Conflicts are an opportunity for growth.When youre able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements
Listen for what is felt as well as said.When we listen we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us when it's our turn to speak.
Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or "being right."Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than winning the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
Focus on the present.If youre holding on to grudges based on past resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
Pick your battles.Conflicts can be draining, so its important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don't want to surrender a parking space if youve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isnt worth it.
Be willing to forgive.Resolving conflict is impossible if youre unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Know when to let something go.If you cant come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is feltas well as what is saidwe connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us.
When youre in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other personsnonverbal signalsmay help you figure out what the other person is really saying. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem. A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested or concerned facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange.
Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling.
Conflict 101
A conflict is more than just a disagreement.It is a situation in which one or both parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
Conflicts continue to fester when ignored.Because conflicts involve perceived threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve them.
We respond to conflicts based on our perceptionsof the situation, not necessarily to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
Conflicts trigger strong emotions.If you arent comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you wont be able to resolve conflict successfully.
Conflicts are an opportunity for growth.When youre able to resolve conflict in a relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements
Listen for what is felt as well as said.When we listen we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us when it's our turn to speak.
Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or "being right."Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than winning the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
Focus on the present.If youre holding on to grudges based on past resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.
Pick your battles.Conflicts can be draining, so its important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don't want to surrender a parking space if youve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isnt worth it.
Be willing to forgive.Resolving conflict is impossible if youre unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Know when to let something go.If you cant come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
When people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of the problem. When we listen for what is feltas well as what is saidwe connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us.
When youre in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other personsnonverbal signalsmay help you figure out what the other person is really saying. This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem. A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested or concerned facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange.
Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling.
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