Emotional detachment
I went to my IC today and I felt good to let it all out, to hear me talking about the hurt, about re-establishing new goals and a new future. I 'still don't see my complete set of goals and new future together but I know is going to be me and my children, I'm going to be alone but thinking about been alone don't bother me anymore, the loneliness don't seem so overwhelming cause before my H I had my friends and family and now I still do I just don't have him. I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't want a relationship and that is a personal choice, I want to be alone for me, I want to do what I like, I want to be happy without the worries of somebody else's feelings, I want to think about my feelings first, I want to live my life, if a new relationship is in my future it will get to me when is time, love is like a car accident - it hits you when you are not looking.
My H have been avoiding the divorce discussion and today we discussed a legal separation for financial reasons - that was emotionally rough for me - I know were are done but facing reality is a whole different set of emotions but I put my tough face on and acted like it didnt bother me even though I was dying inside. My marriage have been done and over with for a while, right now I'm married in paper but emotionally divorce, to me divorce is just a legal termination of what is already over. I didnt even get upset, it stung and I shed a few tears but once again I didnt breakdown - I feel a little stronger every day. I'm proud to say that I kept it together.
I started to remove him out of my life, our family pictures are out of the walls, the kids have pictures of their dad in their rooms but not in the living rooms or halls, since he is in Afghanistan his stuff is still in the house but in our bedroom all his stuff was put away, only my stuff is there, it is my bedroom now, deleted him as a contact, deleted all his all messages - it may seemed like nothing - but it is a big deal to me to be able to let go, I remove all his pictures from FB, it is just me and my kids, all his pictures are saved up on a folder cause I can't delete them yet plus I would like my children to have them, they are also their memories.
Six months ago I was an emotional wreck today can say that I startred taking control of my life, I started to emotionally detach myself from my H, I know when everything is done and over with I'll probably breakdown and cry like a baby but I know I'll be okay.
My H have been avoiding the divorce discussion and today we discussed a legal separation for financial reasons - that was emotionally rough for me - I know were are done but facing reality is a whole different set of emotions but I put my tough face on and acted like it didnt bother me even though I was dying inside. My marriage have been done and over with for a while, right now I'm married in paper but emotionally divorce, to me divorce is just a legal termination of what is already over. I didnt even get upset, it stung and I shed a few tears but once again I didnt breakdown - I feel a little stronger every day. I'm proud to say that I kept it together.
I started to remove him out of my life, our family pictures are out of the walls, the kids have pictures of their dad in their rooms but not in the living rooms or halls, since he is in Afghanistan his stuff is still in the house but in our bedroom all his stuff was put away, only my stuff is there, it is my bedroom now, deleted him as a contact, deleted all his all messages - it may seemed like nothing - but it is a big deal to me to be able to let go, I remove all his pictures from FB, it is just me and my kids, all his pictures are saved up on a folder cause I can't delete them yet plus I would like my children to have them, they are also their memories.
Six months ago I was an emotional wreck today can say that I startred taking control of my life, I started to emotionally detach myself from my H, I know when everything is done and over with I'll probably breakdown and cry like a baby but I know I'll be okay.
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