Emotional detachment
I went to my IC today and I felt good to let it all out, to hear me talking about the hurt, about re-establishing new goals and a new future. I 'still don't see my complete set of goals and new future together but I know is going to be me and my children, I'm going to be alone but thinking about been alone don't bother me anymore, the loneliness don't seem so overwhelming cause before my H I had my friends and family and now I still do I just don't have him. I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't want a relationship and that is a personal choice, I want to be alone for me, I want to do what I like, I want to be happy without the worries of somebody else's feelings, I want to think about my feelings first, I want to live my life, if a new relationship is in my future it will get to me when is time, love is like a car accident - it hits you when you are not looking.
My H have been avoiding the divorce discussion and today we discussed a legal separation for financial reasons - that was emotionally rough for me - I know were are done but facing reality is a whole different set of emotions but I put my tough face on and acted like it didnt bother me even though I was dying inside. My marriage have been done and over with for a while, right now I'm married in paper but emotionally divorce, to me divorce is just a legal termination of what is already over. I didnt even get upset, it stung and I shed a few tears but once again I didnt breakdown - I feel a little stronger every day. I'm proud to say that I kept it together.
I started to remove him out of my life, our family pictures are out of the walls, the kids have pictures of their dad in their rooms but not in the living rooms or halls, since he is in Afghanistan his stuff is still in the house but in our bedroom all his stuff was put away, only my stuff is there, it is my bedroom now, deleted him as a contact, deleted all his all messages - it may seemed like nothing - but it is a big deal to me to be able to let go, I remove all his pictures from FB, it is just me and my kids, all his pictures are saved up on a folder cause I can't delete them yet plus I would like my children to have them, they are also their memories.
Six months ago I was an emotional wreck today can say that I startred taking control of my life, I started to emotionally detach myself from my H, I know when everything is done and over with I'll probably breakdown and cry like a baby but I know I'll be okay.
My H have been avoiding the divorce discussion and today we discussed a legal separation for financial reasons - that was emotionally rough for me - I know were are done but facing reality is a whole different set of emotions but I put my tough face on and acted like it didnt bother me even though I was dying inside. My marriage have been done and over with for a while, right now I'm married in paper but emotionally divorce, to me divorce is just a legal termination of what is already over. I didnt even get upset, it stung and I shed a few tears but once again I didnt breakdown - I feel a little stronger every day. I'm proud to say that I kept it together.
I started to remove him out of my life, our family pictures are out of the walls, the kids have pictures of their dad in their rooms but not in the living rooms or halls, since he is in Afghanistan his stuff is still in the house but in our bedroom all his stuff was put away, only my stuff is there, it is my bedroom now, deleted him as a contact, deleted all his all messages - it may seemed like nothing - but it is a big deal to me to be able to let go, I remove all his pictures from FB, it is just me and my kids, all his pictures are saved up on a folder cause I can't delete them yet plus I would like my children to have them, they are also their memories.
Six months ago I was an emotional wreck today can say that I startred taking control of my life, I started to emotionally detach myself from my H, I know when everything is done and over with I'll probably breakdown and cry like a baby but I know I'll be okay.
Replies
I\'m really proud of you for staying so strong! It\'s great to hear such a positive update. Hopefully it\'s just the first of many :)
Well done you! You are helping yourself so much, even if it doesn\'t feel like you are. The pay off will be your recovery and the attitude you are showing your children will help them too. The other thing I was told to do, which helped was to move the furniture around ( especially if your stbx sat in a particular place ), make it your space. Good luck to you hun ((hugs))
Yay for you!! i have taken the pics down now too and it was really helpful not to have to see his face. even if when you are alone tonight you have a breakdown it will be alright you were strong with your H and he sees that you are moving on for yourself. congrats.
Baby steps! It is hard but each little step really does help. (hugs)
Take your time and let yourself go through your emotions. You will start too feel much better. You sound like a strong person and soon your new life will be going strong. In a short time all these feelings and emotions will be a memory in the mind of a much happier person.
Thanks everybody!!!! Gotta try the furniture moving :)
I think he was surprised to see my strenght and determination cause he left a broken woman, begging him not to leave and now he confronts a woman that is ready to move on (even really dying in the inside). I really appreciate all the support - it makes it all better!!!!!
Well done!! Hugs to you!!
Something you said made me realize just how emotionally divorced we have been - and for how long... The fact that you removed your pictures of him sort of hit me... I looked around our house. We had not even a single photo of the two of us together ANYWHERE on display in this house. When we moved to separate bedrooms, I was in a totally different place with what had happened. I had recently lost both my parents, and as I had been clearing things from their house, I brought home a photo of the two of them with the two of us on our wedding day, which THEY had on display. I put it up in my bedroom. My eyes were always drawn to my Mom and her beauty, her smile, her joy. Then my Dad. He was younger, healthy, handsome. I found it funny that each time I looked at that photo, I was only seeing my parents and not looking at my stbx and myself. I ended up putting a small photo of our son in front of the two of us, so it looked like our son with my parents. I just glanced at it, it is still that way. So, after all the time spent in this house, there has not been even ONE photo of just the two of us (or even three including our son) on display. The only photos we have up are of our son. Strange.
Thinking back, the last time we actually had photos of ourselves up would have been at our last house, which would have been back in 2004 or 2005. Says something to me about the marriage. It has been over for far too long! Now, to just get it done on paper........