emotional day and it had nothing to do with T

 I met with the clergy, spoke and took their pictures.  I was very nervous but it wasn't because of the clergy.  It was because they had a guest I wasn't expecting. When I arrived to the meeting, her back was to me so I didn't recognize her, at first.  Then I heard her voice.  She was talking about being a Christian woman who just wants to help.  She is involved in a new community mentoring program for kids who need to do community service and was asking the clergy for help.  Now, that doesn't sound bad but - to me (from what I've observed in her behavior) is not sincere. She puts on a good show.  I've known her for years (she lives right around the corner from me, no less), my middle son played on her son's soccer team for years, but she sometimes acts as if she doesn't know me. Honestly, I don't care for her and have or never had any desire to be friends with her because she isn't nice.  She, of all people, had to be there.  I couldn't believe the emotional trigger she set off in me. The parent with no apparent kid issues - athletic and academically strong was there to "help the kids who are struggling".  Those poor parents who can't get their acts together.  Mind you  -  I have friends who have children are very successful and made the right choices but the parents are humble and kind.  This person carries herself around like she is ..... better.   I thought what the heck are you involved in this?  She is actually one of the people I had in mind when I talk about stigma.  Isn't it ironic?  Sorry to sound so bitter but she isn't the Christian she claimed to be while talking to the room full of clergy.   I can't get away from her....... But strangely enough - when she asked the group for some ideas on how to "help" these "troubled" kids - I found myself blurting -- Oh - I have plenty of ideas. She didn't know how to respond to that one. She knows "all about my kid".......    Reasons I'm doing a parent education program at our local middle school:  1. There is more power with knowledge, than without. A parent can't control their child, but they can learn that they do have control over how they respond to them - to stop the enabling, to know that their child is "sick" and can't help how they behave when using. 2. A parent who is educated in this will know what signs to look for and to address it sooner than later. Before the children turn 18 the parent has a bit more "power" than a parent who discovers their child using after that age. 3. If more people in the community are educated about the stigma of addiction, it will make it easier for a parent who finds their child is using to get help. The shame and embarrassment isolates and makes it difficult to seek help or to share their concerns and worries with others. They feel judged. 4. The name of our program is called "NOT MY CHILD" - because most people feel it could happen to their child. This disease is a disease, it isn't selective. It happens to good, bad, rich, poor, etc. That is another item we stress - to help parents get past the denial. We cover a lot of the things we never received when our child were in school. There weren't any programs like this at the middle school. And the high school programs were not very helpful. Occasionally, the school would bring in a expert with an overhead and a lecture, but most of them were about statistics based on surveys the local colleges performed. I attended these "Parent Information Nights" and other the years - before, during, and when my son was in recovery and I tell you - after learning about teen usage through parenting classes I attended at my son's treatment center - I realized how much more parents need to know in the VERY beginning - so they can address right away.  BTW - T has been doing very well!  He's hanging around with one of the friends he seems to do very well with - they went to the basketball game tonight and had fun. He's home early.  One Day At A Time.... 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Good Info! On the bright side, maybe she has shown up because addiction issues for teens has become the \"cause du jour\" ?! Hopefully with time with her involvement she will become better informed and less judgemental...even so, if she generates funds and coordinates activity options etc for teens that would be a welcomed outcome by all.....Hang in there!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, that was a great read...you are so on the right track and are going to do so many good things for our youngens. You know listening to you about that woman for some reasons makes me feel like she has the \"isms\" of someone raised or affected by the disease of addiction. Sometimes people who are put themselves on a peddlestal do so because they are really insecure and unhappy inside. If the only way she can fit in in her life is to pretend to be something she is not, well how sad is that! I wouldn\'t want her life if you paid me. :-) Keep doing what your doing and my hats off to T. Good for him. Dorothy