Emotional day
Today is an emotional day for me. For a while I couldn't figure out why I felt so sad, and then I realized why as I was out shopping. Today is my Daddy's 63rd birthday and it could be the last one he gets to celebrate. See, my Dad has Mantle Cell Lymphoma (MCL), a terminal cancer. I'm a Daddy's girl, so this is hard to deal with on a regular day. Extra hard to deal with today.
We're trying to make every special occasion (holidays and his birthday) extra special for him, since we're not sure when the MCL will turn aggressive. When it does, he'll likely only have a few short months left.
So, since I have my nephew here, I thought it would be a great idea for him to make a card for his Papa (whom he's ALWAYS excited to see!). I got him to write 'Papa, Happy Birthday' on the front and 'Love *his name*' on the inside. Since there was lots of extra space, I said he could draw something on the inside. He looked at me and goes "Nah, I want to write..."
So he wrote (in his 6 year old learning to spell bad spelling) "I like to be with you!" and asked me to draw a heart at the bottom. (he actually wrote 'I lak to be with you!' hehe) My eyes instantly teared up. My nephew doesn't get the concept of cancer or death (I mean he talks about things like plants being dead, but doesn't know how to translate that to people), so we've just told him that Papa's really sick and may never get better and we can't go visit him when we're sick because it'll make Papa worse. My nephew doesn't get to see Papa very often anymore, but he still loves him with all his little heart and loves to visit him and Nana.
My biggest pain with all this infertility stuff is that my child, if I ever get to have one, will never get to know my Dad; they'll never get to share in my nephew's love for Papa. That's like a knife right into my heart. I know I can't say for sure when Dad'll pass, but I do know he's beat the odds for the last year (he was diagnosed 3 years ago, told he only had 2). They said treatment could give him up to 5, so maybe he's got another 2 years in him, maybe he's got less, maybe he's got more. I just know he likely doesn't have enough time for him and any child I have to get to know each other. *sighs* Time to go 'freshen up' in the bathroom and get my 'happy face' back on... I hate for my nephew to see me upset and really, I want to be happy for my Dad today.
We're trying to make every special occasion (holidays and his birthday) extra special for him, since we're not sure when the MCL will turn aggressive. When it does, he'll likely only have a few short months left.
So, since I have my nephew here, I thought it would be a great idea for him to make a card for his Papa (whom he's ALWAYS excited to see!). I got him to write 'Papa, Happy Birthday' on the front and 'Love *his name*' on the inside. Since there was lots of extra space, I said he could draw something on the inside. He looked at me and goes "Nah, I want to write..."
So he wrote (in his 6 year old learning to spell bad spelling) "I like to be with you!" and asked me to draw a heart at the bottom. (he actually wrote 'I lak to be with you!' hehe) My eyes instantly teared up. My nephew doesn't get the concept of cancer or death (I mean he talks about things like plants being dead, but doesn't know how to translate that to people), so we've just told him that Papa's really sick and may never get better and we can't go visit him when we're sick because it'll make Papa worse. My nephew doesn't get to see Papa very often anymore, but he still loves him with all his little heart and loves to visit him and Nana.
My biggest pain with all this infertility stuff is that my child, if I ever get to have one, will never get to know my Dad; they'll never get to share in my nephew's love for Papa. That's like a knife right into my heart. I know I can't say for sure when Dad'll pass, but I do know he's beat the odds for the last year (he was diagnosed 3 years ago, told he only had 2). They said treatment could give him up to 5, so maybe he's got another 2 years in him, maybe he's got less, maybe he's got more. I just know he likely doesn't have enough time for him and any child I have to get to know each other. *sighs* Time to go 'freshen up' in the bathroom and get my 'happy face' back on... I hate for my nephew to see me upset and really, I want to be happy for my Dad today.
Replies
You are a wonderful daughter. When your child comes to you, although they won\'t physically meet your father, I know you will let them know what a fantastic Grandpa they have. Life is definitely too short.