Elephant reared it's ugly head - again
The elephant is back. Last night my hubby and I went out to dinner where our middle son works. He was our waiter. He was not only very good at taking care of us on such a busy night but he was very jovial. I was almost suspicious of his demeanor because he seemed overly friendly. Maybe because we were visiting him? At any rate, he told us twice that he'd see us "tomorrow". I just had a nagging feeling about something ~ that something wasn't right but brushed it off because I knew that whatever he had planned up his sleeve, I couldn't control.
Well, last night (or should I say the next day ("tomorrow") we woke up to a car alarm. At first we weren't sure if it was our car or not because it seemed far away. As I opened our bedroom door and went downstairs, it was clear that it was coming from our driveway. I realized that J had just gotten in and so I told him to turn it off. He could barely stand but he eventually managed to shut it off. As he's stumbling I stated the obvious "you're drunk" and he responded by saying "I know". I then said "great - driving and drinking". That's all I said and went back to bed. He laid on our family room couch and a few minutes later I heard crash. He broke our glass lamp shade ~ AGAIN!!! He broke it a few months ago when he was in a slump over his gf and was bingeing a lot. I had to special order it on line and it took weeks to get. I know it's just a shade and if that's all that happened ~ I am grateful. He could have gotten into an accident - hurting or killing himself or someone else or he could have been arrested.
We need a sit down with him. He is going to lose his night time driving privileges. We've been through this before but then became lax because he seemed to do okay.
Back to reality.......
Well, last night (or should I say the next day ("tomorrow") we woke up to a car alarm. At first we weren't sure if it was our car or not because it seemed far away. As I opened our bedroom door and went downstairs, it was clear that it was coming from our driveway. I realized that J had just gotten in and so I told him to turn it off. He could barely stand but he eventually managed to shut it off. As he's stumbling I stated the obvious "you're drunk" and he responded by saying "I know". I then said "great - driving and drinking". That's all I said and went back to bed. He laid on our family room couch and a few minutes later I heard crash. He broke our glass lamp shade ~ AGAIN!!! He broke it a few months ago when he was in a slump over his gf and was bingeing a lot. I had to special order it on line and it took weeks to get. I know it's just a shade and if that's all that happened ~ I am grateful. He could have gotten into an accident - hurting or killing himself or someone else or he could have been arrested.
We need a sit down with him. He is going to lose his night time driving privileges. We've been through this before but then became lax because he seemed to do okay.
Back to reality.......
Replies
Wow. i hope he\'s hurtin\' today. he barely made it home, sounds like. And breaking the shade again is nuts. I can imagine you cleaning it up while he snores on, drunk, on the couch.
I wish for the best for you as you deal with him.........and for the best for him.....
It\'s funny how you can pick up that something is going on. I\'ve noticed that good mood, too, when something is planned. Sorry about the lampshade. That must be so frustrating.
About the drunk driving, is this a one-time event or is this something you\'ve seen before? I regret being too easy on my son for his driving drunk. Yes, we took away all driving privilieges last November when we caught him driving drunk one too many times and he never got his hands on the keys until he got a job in March. He lived in an apartment at the time and had no way of getting to work. We let him have the car against our better judgment with empty threats of taking it back if we suspected drinking. It\'s really a hassle for us if he doesn\'t have a car, and we were so happy about him finally getting a job, so it was easy to look the other way.
Of course, he was picked up for DUI less than 3 months later. Now he has over $2,000 in costs, has his license suspended for 7 months, can\'t be on our insurance any more, and has this on his permanent record. He also had to have an alcohol assessment and treatment. He may need to have an ignition lock added to the car that he has to blow into before he can drive That\'s if we give him the car back, which we won\'t do without proof of sobriety. We wish that the only problem would be how to get him back and forth to work every day. (We let him move home and we take him when we can. Otherwise, he walks the 2 miles.)
As harsh as this is, he is very lucky. A friend of his from school got drunk last year and killed a young woman. He was just sentenced to five years in prison. Another friend was killed in a car accident last winter when he was a passenger in the car of a drunk driver.
Knowing what I know now, if I were in your situation, I would give him the same suspension the law would give him if he were picked up by the police. That means that I would have taken his driving privileges away for 7 months and not let him drive under any circumstances, not even to work. At the end of the 7 months (or whatever your state law says), he only gets driving priviliges reinstated for your car if you are convinced of sobriety. Another option would be to have him pay for an ignition lock that doesn\'t let him start the car unless he has no alcohol on his breath. His other option is to save his money and buy his own car and insurance.
This sounds pretty harsh, but I now see that I was in denial, thinking that he would be fine and would not get caught. It was a pretty big risk that we took, and we lost. This punishment is minor compared to what will happen when the police eventually catch him or he has an accident.