Edge of Despair
Yesterday was another washout on the effort to have the demolition debris pile removed. The e-sources which have worked so well in other locations are exhausted without results. The coveted grand time is looking more remote than ever. My Texas family has begun to wonder if Kentucky is an anti-family state. Six generation legacies are forever in danger of xenophobia. . . Behave, my loves. I share your despair, but I donae see any coordinated conspiracies here. Not seeing coordination on any level, including my own.
Yesterday's nutritional intake was adequate. Gut knots much better this morning. Slept well. Intrusive thoughts less intrusive.
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Security lights continue as one of my meaner triggers. This morning's attempts to meditate in the pre-dawn light are dominated by the presence of several intense points of security light and their reflections off windows, etc. Curtains still make me feel claustrophobic. What's the point of having a view if you keep it covered up? Just more junk to wash and dust. . .
Plying mindfulness exercises. . .
I notice the lights are there.
I notice the lights hurt my eyes.
I notice the lights never move.
I notice the lights have limits.
I notice the lights . . .
I notice the lights cast deep, dark shadows
I notice the lights. . .
Oh,,,,,(((((((arfie))))))
I notice the lights cast more than one shadow for every object.
I notice most of the shadows never move.
I notice the lights and their shadows wash away during the dawn.
((((arfie))))
hugs arfie xx
I notice the lights are gone.
Think I'm holding steady. I'm a little distressed that K is in Chicago and will not be in church this morning. I thought briefly of letting it be another reason for attending the mass in Spanish this afternoon but decided to let habit prevail. I haven't been at this church long enough to have ingrained habits, but feeling a need for whatever routine I can muster.
((((Hugs)))) keep on keeping on. It will come good in the end,