Eddie's Angel date
Well we have made it through a milestone. Eddie's first Angel date. Many people came to the church for his memorial service on Sunday & then after to my house for brunch. Family, friends, his coworkers. It did me good to see how many people love him & have not forgotten him. I was depressed after everyone went home - I think I was so busy with all the cooking & prep for his memorial service that I think it hit me hard after. I slept for 2 hours. Yesterday, Ken, Ed's children, my DIL & I went to the cemetery to bring the flower arrangement I had had at church & also the roses & flowers that people brought on Sunday to my house. We each placed some on his stone & had a moment of silence, prayer. I was feeling numb at that point & my grandchildren felt numb too. I am down today. It is the start of school & myself & all the staff at my school are in preservice training. Maybe the feelings from this time last year have crept in. Im OK though. The heaviness will pass & I'm trying not to give too much power to the calendar.
Some things Eddie taught me in the last year are:
That I can be sad, but OK at the same time.
That books, funny shows on TV, work can all be therapuetic in their own ways & even if its only for a little while can be a good distraction.
That I should never complain when I am invited to events in other's lives. That I realize now that even if it is inconvenient or expensive to attend that relationships are more important than almost anything & I am blessed to be included.
That I am allowed a season of grieving, but a lifetime of grieving isn't good for anybody.
That Eddie is worthy of my tears.
That I am deserving of joy. I can't say happiness yet. Still working on that concept.
I now understand the difference between crying and weeping. Weeping comes from the soul.
That the worst has alreay happened.
Some gifts Eddie has given me are:
A deeper appreciation of peace-filled moments.
Memories. Dreams.
No more fear of flying. I can be here (still want to live)or in the event of a plane crash I can be there.
Being in the moment.
Thank you Eddie. I have more to thank you for teaching me & giving me. Baby steps as you used to say. I love you & miss you forever. I am grateful that I had you with me as long as I did. Love, Mom
Some things Eddie taught me in the last year are:
That I can be sad, but OK at the same time.
That books, funny shows on TV, work can all be therapuetic in their own ways & even if its only for a little while can be a good distraction.
That I should never complain when I am invited to events in other's lives. That I realize now that even if it is inconvenient or expensive to attend that relationships are more important than almost anything & I am blessed to be included.
That I am allowed a season of grieving, but a lifetime of grieving isn't good for anybody.
That Eddie is worthy of my tears.
That I am deserving of joy. I can't say happiness yet. Still working on that concept.
I now understand the difference between crying and weeping. Weeping comes from the soul.
That the worst has alreay happened.
Some gifts Eddie has given me are:
A deeper appreciation of peace-filled moments.
Memories. Dreams.
No more fear of flying. I can be here (still want to live)or in the event of a plane crash I can be there.
Being in the moment.
Thank you Eddie. I have more to thank you for teaching me & giving me. Baby steps as you used to say. I love you & miss you forever. I am grateful that I had you with me as long as I did. Love, Mom
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