Eddie's Angel date

Well we have made it through a milestone. Eddie's first Angel date. Many people came to the church for his memorial service on Sunday & then after to my house for brunch. Family, friends, his coworkers. It did me good to see how many people love him & have not forgotten him. I was depressed after everyone went home - I think I was so busy with all the cooking & prep for his memorial service that I think it hit me hard after. I slept for 2 hours. Yesterday, Ken, Ed's children, my DIL & I went to the cemetery to bring the flower arrangement I had had at church & also the roses & flowers that people brought on Sunday to my house. We each placed some on his stone & had a moment of silence, prayer. I was feeling numb at that point & my grandchildren felt numb too. I am down today. It is the start of school & myself & all the staff at my school are in preservice training. Maybe the feelings from this time last year have crept in. Im OK though. The heaviness will pass & I'm trying not to give too much power to the calendar.
Some things Eddie taught me in the last year are:
That I can be sad, but OK at the same time.
That books, funny shows on TV, work can all be therapuetic in their own ways & even if its only for a little while can be a good distraction.
That I should never complain when I am invited to events in other's lives. That I realize now that even if it is inconvenient or expensive to attend that relationships are more important than almost anything & I  am blessed to be included.
That I am allowed a season of grieving, but a lifetime of grieving isn't good for anybody.
That Eddie is worthy of my tears.
That I am deserving of joy. I can't say happiness yet. Still working on that concept.
I now understand the difference between crying and weeping. Weeping comes from the soul.
That the worst has alreay happened.
Some gifts Eddie has given me are:
A deeper appreciation of peace-filled moments.
Memories. Dreams.
No more fear of flying. I can be here (still want to live)or in the event of a plane crash I can be there.
Being in the moment.
Thank you Eddie. I have more to thank you for teaching me & giving me. Baby steps as you used to say. I love you & miss you forever. I am grateful that I had you with me as long as I did. Love, Mom

Replies

KimRW
KimRW

I\'m so glad that Eddie\'s angel day, the memorial service and gathering of friends was a good day for you and peaceful. I know how hard it is afterwards and the heaviness of your heart, but what a nice way to honor your precious son. Your last few journals are very inspirational and have got me to thinking of the many blessings I have to be grateful for that my son taught me and gave to me. Thanks for sharing and giving me that inspiration. Love, Kim
KandL
KandL

Thank you, Kim. I am happy that my journals have been inspiring for you. Its what is special about FMO. We inspire each other. Hugs & love to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thank you Linda....your words are so true...Eddie taught you a lot....oh how the loss of our children has been an intrument in teaching wisdom. Thank you for sharing these lessons....they mean so much. I know it did your heart good to have those who care come and join in the memory of a wonderful young man like Eddie. Rest in those wonderful memories of your son. Peace and hugs to you dear friend as you remember the love of your son. .....dale, brandon\'s mom
KandL
KandL

Love you, Dale.
MitchellsMom
MitchellsMom

I\'m so glad the day was blessed with all of the people who love Eddie-it sounds as though the day was perfect. You are truly an inspiration. Love, Charlene
ColleenF
ColleenF

The angel dates are so hard for me. Not so much the actual date it\'s self but the days leading up to it. But then time ticks by and pretty soon it\'s the next day and the next and you get through it somehow. Love & hugs, Colleen
KandL
KandL

Thank you. Love to you both.
Robin4
Robin4

I was reading our local paper last night and it had an article about a family whose four year old son has been battling a brain tumor for almost two years. The parents said that this trial however difficult it has been has brought so much to their lives over the last two years. Their relationships with friends, family and mostly each other has strengthened. They view life entirely differently and just little things now mean so much more. It reminded me alot of us mothers here on DS. We no longer have our children but we grow immensely and we do truly realize what matters in life and as you write...being in the moment. We have to learn to be in the moment because those moments can be taken in a blink of an eye. I\'m glad you made it through the angel day. Those \"firsts\" are difficult to anticipate. I\'ve had three angel days now so I consider myself a pro...lol. The first one for certain was the most eventful. The past two I just let the day come as it may. We need to honor our children everyday by doing our best to find joy again. You are deserving of joy and happiness. Search for them and share them with those around you. Love to you and prayers for continued strength. Robin
KandL
KandL

Robin, thank you for your comment. I needed to be reminded that I do deserve joy
& happiness. I am having a hard time imagining happiness again, but you were 1 of the people who first told me I\'d make it & that the pain does lighten & I believed you
& you were right. So I have faith that someday I will have happiness again. I appreciate the prayers. It means a lot. Love you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Such an insightful journal entry
KandL
KandL

Thank you, Sandi
ihart
ihart

I like an\" appreciation of peace-filled moments.\" I strive to have most of my moments peaceful and when they are not I often remove myself. I am at a point if someone or something does not offer me something positive then I do not want to waste my time.
So glad you had folks around you that loved you , Eddie and your family. Hugs, Inga
NoraMc
NoraMc

You have great friends and family to have shared a special day with, Thank you for sharing the things you\'ve learned. peace, Nora
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

What a heart warming event for your dear son. The things that you have learned are so helpful to read. The one that pops out at me at this time is the one about a season of grieving rather than a lifetime. That\'s a big one for me to read today and I thank you for sharing all of what Eddie is continuing to teach you. May you continue to find comfort in being Eddie\'s mom forever. Love to you. Joanie
KandL
KandL

Thank you my dear sisters for your comments. Love & peace to you.