ED voice..........

i took my blood sugar tonight and it was high....not the highest it's ever been, but it was still high....i wanna restrict....the ED voice in my head saying,"you ate that, you don't deserve to eat tomorrow"......i wanted to purge.....i've never done it before, but i thought that it would work.....whatever i ate would cost me nothing....but i fought that urge....i'm fighting all these urges.....i'm angry at myself and disappointed in myself.....i HAVE to eat....restricting isn't an option....ugh!!! i just wish i NEVER had these problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!