eating me up

I'm eating myself up.And destroying my esteem with food cravings. I want SO BADLY to be slim and desirably skinny but the problem is everytime I get down about it, remembering how betrayed I feel that my own fiance had to look at other women naked; I just want to stuff my face with chocolate. I don't have an infactuation or uncontrollability to look at other men naked. So why is it such a problem for him! Ugh. I hope I'm making the right decision in marrying him..I do love him like no other that's for sure..   I'm not sure how to be the best 'me'... I'm doing things like going for counselling,Made an appointment for a dietician to go gluten free and get support,And trying to think of other ways I can look after myself.  If and when I am skinny. I will be a different me. I will be half of my size hopefully - andthen metaphorically I'll be better. Half of myself -hopefully dispelling the negative half.  Here's what I am going to do; I've had my last junk binge night. I hope for EVER (a long time).I'm going to have this as my schedule:: PLEASE SOMEONE KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE. I'm desperate. I'm lonely and So disappointed with myself.Mon; work 9-430 and teach 5-7Tues; work 9-4.30 Wed; WALK 7-8am, Tony Ferguson 10am-11am, Counselling 11-12pm,Tuition 245-3.30pm, Work 4.30-8.30pmThurs; 9-4.30pmFri; 9-4.30pm Sat; Walk 8-9amSun; Walk 8-9am