Easy Does It
As my processing of the legal/coercive subterfuge from the other grandparent house has perked through the grinds of maternal grief, to the sense that their posturing should receive the same walk-away handling I have used on all the other lawsuit lotto players in my life, my hyper-vigilance is once more rearing its ugly head to urge, "The sooner begun, the sooner done." Big Bro is currently spewing Grandma and Grampa's gringo hate and wants to be back in their inner city barrio now. Head 'em up and move 'em out, big boy. Your wish is my command. So far as I know, Grandma and Grampa are still holding out for delivery service to their barrio doorstep. Their sense of entitlement is bigger than their waistlines.
Easy does it, over-compensator. Pimp Sis isnae here. This isnae a niece freshly fired from her last romantic interlude. This isnae a brother ready to run my life as efficiently as he ran his 3 ex-wives. Well. . . I amnae so sure on the brother part when I look into Grampa's greedy eyes, but. . . Sticking to known facts. . .
As of bedtime last night, I was the most despised gringo in the barrio, but. . . Giving it time. . . Has he noticed that baby sis has hair and skin tones which are routinely attacked in the barrio? I love the racial industry logic which attempts to color code bloodlines. That works far better at Harvard Press than it does in the blood and guts of my mixed family tree. I amnae ethnic enough to share genetics with a hefty portion of my family tree. Insert applicable racial slander here. The slander of choice says far more about the hater than the hated. Again I quote from the Tony Brown book, "White Lies Black Lies." "Ivy League endorsement of bad manners isn't empowering anybody."
Hubs ran intervention on Big Bro's hate spewing last night while Big Bro and I gave one another the silent treatment. My tears flowed far more freely than my hyper-vigilant reflexes. Tears channel grief where anger deflects. Processing. . . Leaning into the pain. The sooner begun, the sooner done.
Stepping small, praying big and holding the love sacred. . .
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Yes, it does say more about the hater than the hated, indeed. Very, very easy does it is the way forward, arf, with the smallest steps possible. Praying with you about holding the love sacred. Some fellow wrote a book I heard about recently by the title Love Wins. I sure hope so.
How painful they are making this situation. for all concerned. Continued support and prayers.
Big Bro seems to be doing better today. Beautiful weather helps.
My son's wife is among the many who asked me how to do a "Therapy Funeral" for her dysfunctional clan. This was about 5 years ago during her second year of marriage. I talked her out of it. 40 odd years and a grown family after the fact, the pain and itch of family estrangement still feels like a sucking black hole in my life. Family isnae about Right or Wrong. It is about being complete. However diseased the leg which was amputated, I still wish I had two legs to stand on.
I kinda wish I could find the published materials by which I was counseled through that therapy funeral. The theories donae seem to have made the internet. It is hard for me to visit public libraries without crying in the decades since the internet boom started putting them out of business. For now, I'm just a-wishing and leaving room for the possibility that the Therapy Funeral I held in the Shawnee National Forest in August '77 and the accompanying counseling sessions were but another of my intricate delusions.
Just sitting, breathing and praying with you Arfie. Such a stressful and uncertain time for you right now, I'm sure. I hope the night's rest will bring you a little alleviation~ triple hugs~