Each day brings change

I have hated change for most of my life.  Having come from a family of divorce, where nothing is predictable, I liked knowing what to expect.  And now I am living with the unpredictable.  MS is so strange.  One day you feel good and the next you don't.  It even changes from minute to minute.  But thank God it is 30 degrees cooler this week.  That helps to be sure. 
Last year I really focused on finding Joy.  I was able to cultivate joy in my life despite the struggles of may daily routine.  Somewhere over the summer and this fall the joy has been less attainable.  I think it is due to the changes in my body.  I am so slow and off balance.  I am more tired this year.  I am working harder too.  So, I had to think how am I going to do this.  Some days I want to give up.  I just don't want to do this anymore.  I have been feeling down in the dumps off and on.  I am just so tired of feeling like crap.  Feeling like I am a prisoner in my own body.  I am not suicidal at all though.  I could never and would never do any harm to myself.  I am just frustrated and tired.
So, I have to focus on finding joy.  I still work full time.  Next year I probably will work 3/4 time.  (God willing).  I recently gave up an after school basketball class.  I have just two left.  It was hard.  I love the class, make good money, and my ego did not want to stop.  But it is better for my health.  I am offering a domino class instead on Thursdays.  We will see if it takes off.  I have 5 classes on Wednesday's and basketball was the 6th and it is at the end of the day.  Dominos should be easier.  Being less tired should help me be more joyful.
Another thing I am doing is starting to swim again.  I swam 500 yards last night.  I feel better once I am finished and rested.  Directly after it is hard.  And going to the gym is difficult (ego).  I used to be so athletic and could do anything.  Now it is all I can do to make it in and out without falling.  then I am walking back from the shower last night, towel around my body, and the towel falls.  Ick!  Naked, chubby, and with a cane.  So uncomfortable.  The gym is a constant lesson in humility.  Pretty uncomfortable.  But I refuse to let discomfort stop me.  Moving will bring me some joy.
Focusing on God's promises should also help me find joy.  
Isaiah 40; 28-31 
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary  and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,  they will walk and not be faint.