Easy
I still can't stop thinking about my short stay in the state mental hospital. And I think it would have been easy to stay there. All I would have had to do is play the crazy card. Instead of insisting I was alright and wanting to go home as soon as possible, I could have acted very depressed, wanting to kill myself. It would have been easy. I'm a pretty good actor when I want or need to be. Much of my life has been an act. I have two personalities, one for work and one for home. My home personality, shy, unsure of myself, scared, with low self esteem, is the real me. Few people outside of my family sees it. My work personality is very outgoing, funny, self assured, eager to make new friends. I could turn it on like flipping a switch. How else could I have been a radio disk jockey, or manage an all night restaurant who's customers were mainly drunks, or work in a call center talking to people I didn't know? There was a running joke with a girl friend when I was in radio whether she wanted to be with the radio guy or the "civilian" guy. She chose and I would be it. So, I could have played the real me and probably been admitted to the state hospital. And, I would have been the only sane patient there. I could have tolerated and been amused by the other patients. Let's face it. It would have been an easy life,,,a free place to live, free meals, and no worries,,no responsibilities, no bills to pay. Maybe my sister would visit every once and a while. But, I would have to give up a few things,,Foxy, my freedom, a place to live on my own, fishing, the internet(because you know crazy people don't know how to use it.), watching the t.v. shows I want, driving wherever I want, getting up and going to bed when I wanted. Plus. I would have been given happy pills every day. Would that have been too much to give up? Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been a good trade.
Replies
you have been doing so much better since you were there and it wouldn\'t be good to trade your life for that one. playing crazy to get in also becomes an expense in med bills and most of all foxy needs your love...
People who ARE \"out of tune\" give up a lot whether confined or not ... Not ALL the \"crazys\" KNOW that they need to get HELP some of US had to reach a LOW point in life to UNDERSTAND something was WRONG and go for MEDICAL assistance to get our BRAIN chemicals adjusted.
I entered a facility MYSELF back in 2001. IT was the BEGINNING of a new chapter in LIFE for me.... BECAUSE realizing the need to GET help is the biggest BLESSING of all. After my meds were adjusted I could function as well as I had BEFORE my biological changes had OCCURED.
I wish the BEST for your continued CELEBRATION of life and hope that you come to REALIZE how important YOUR relationship with YOU is...
NDY
It may have felt good to be there for awhile but then you would have longed for life away from there and it would not be so easy to change to live back in the world. Also, those seriously mentally ill patients would not be so easy to be around all the time.
Here in the world it is hard but we have choices when to get up; go to bed and we do get to keep our pets and have the internet.
I keep my life very simple and it is working for me -- one small step at a time.
:-) Patricia
I am glad you chose life over \"existance\". I think you\'ll see it paying huge rewards down the road.