Dying to be thin

Ive come to realise that I have been punishing myself with this diet I am on,if you can call it that....I know that the best way to lose is slowly,Ive had a lifetime to learn that,so should lnow better than to add to my already persecuted mind,a totally insane diet regime.Although its healthy in that Ive cut the fats and sugar,but as a diabetic feel I cannot win.On one hand Im told to lose weight,often accused by doctors and consultants that Im not trying enough,which adds insult ti injury in my book.Having the scare of my life last summer,really didn't think Id be alive to tell the tale.But it sure did the trick in getting me motivated,the consultant that was so dam rude to me,ought to have a medal,as his words sliced through me like a hot knife going through butter.The metformin tablets did not agree with me,infact the fact I was on an extremely high mega dose was never picked up,but when I ask the consultant what the swelling of my stomach was,he just gave me such a disgusting look up and down,and said...THATS JUST FAT..!!!When infact it was fluid that had built up,due to the metformin causing my potassium levels to go sky high,and almost rendered me paralysed,not to mention  nearly losing my mind.I vowed when I left the hospital,I would jolly well show him.....I actually lost 5 stone[70lbs] from August to December of last year.Managed to maintain that lose til now.......But I am scared Im about to slip back,and I need to shed more weight before I see him in May,which Im panicking with now.I know its never a good idea to lose weight for someone else,but I also want tp prove I can do it.Alot of medical people sometimes tend to think that most of us just stuff our faces,when that is completely untrue.They put you through all kinds of hell,and wonder why you fail alot.Well my aim is to at least lose 2stone[28lbs] but am feeling negative as to if I will pull it off by May.I know there are people far worse off than my trivial little problems,etc,etc...and I ought to be grateful,considering the bad things happening in Haiti.and I feel for those poor people.But we all have our own load to bear,and it can be just as heavy if not worse at times,or so I think.Just wish I could get off the rollercoaster ride of  anxiety that haunts me,when I have flashbacks to the horrors of my hospital stay,which was hell....Maybe Ive suffered trauma,but whatever it is I know I have to put it all behind me.