duck, duck, goose!

Three of my absolute closest friends (one being a cousin actually) are pregnant. One wasn't even trying, one started trying in January (and conceived in March), and the last one started trying in May (she's 5 weeks pregnant now).
My update however is not as pleasant as theirs. I have just gone through my 3rd (failed) round of Clomid and stared into the face of our 23 negative pregnancy test (actually it's higher than that, I usually take 2 a month-this was just our 23rd month of ttc). This month was the hardest of them all. We only have 3 more rounds of Clomid left to try and I'm starting to worry "what if it never works?"...I'm hoping and praying for the best but I'm really struggling.
I've never been depressed before in my life...in fact I literally have a smile on my face every single second of the day unless I'm doing some serious thinking or sleeping. =) I'm all smiles, heck even now I still am. But usually I'm the one doing the encouraging, with such a light spirit...it generally takes a LOT to get me down, but this is just so devastating sometimes.
Every single month with the renewed possibility that I could finally be carrying our precious child that I'm already absolutely in love with and then being slapped in the face with the cold hard fact that it just didn't work (again) just kills me. I just don't know how to handle myself.
I've had no motivation lately and I've also been a space-case. (You can probably tell by how I'm writing this-choppy and all over the place.) I'm just out. of. it.
I have a follow up appointment with the doc on July 26th to make sure that I'm not Clomid resistant and look into how everything is going. Hoping and praying for some good news.