duck, duck, goose!
Three of my absolute closest friends (one being a cousin actually) are pregnant. One wasn't even trying, one started trying in January (and conceived in March), and the last one started trying in May (she's 5 weeks pregnant now).
My update however is not as pleasant as theirs. I have just gone through my 3rd (failed) round of Clomid and stared into the face of our 23 negative pregnancy test (actually it's higher than that, I usually take 2 a month-this was just our 23rd month of ttc). This month was the hardest of them all. We only have 3 more rounds of Clomid left to try and I'm starting to worry "what if it never works?"...I'm hoping and praying for the best but I'm really struggling.
I've never been depressed before in my life...in fact I literally have a smile on my face every single second of the day unless I'm doing some serious thinking or sleeping. =) I'm all smiles, heck even now I still am. But usually I'm the one doing the encouraging, with such a light spirit...it generally takes a LOT to get me down, but this is just so devastating sometimes.
Every single month with the renewed possibility that I could finally be carrying our precious child that I'm already absolutely in love with and then being slapped in the face with the cold hard fact that it just didn't work (again) just kills me. I just don't know how to handle myself.
I've had no motivation lately and I've also been a space-case. (You can probably tell by how I'm writing this-choppy and all over the place.) I'm just out. of. it.
I have a follow up appointment with the doc on July 26th to make sure that I'm not Clomid resistant and look into how everything is going. Hoping and praying for some good news.
My update however is not as pleasant as theirs. I have just gone through my 3rd (failed) round of Clomid and stared into the face of our 23 negative pregnancy test (actually it's higher than that, I usually take 2 a month-this was just our 23rd month of ttc). This month was the hardest of them all. We only have 3 more rounds of Clomid left to try and I'm starting to worry "what if it never works?"...I'm hoping and praying for the best but I'm really struggling.
I've never been depressed before in my life...in fact I literally have a smile on my face every single second of the day unless I'm doing some serious thinking or sleeping. =) I'm all smiles, heck even now I still am. But usually I'm the one doing the encouraging, with such a light spirit...it generally takes a LOT to get me down, but this is just so devastating sometimes.
Every single month with the renewed possibility that I could finally be carrying our precious child that I'm already absolutely in love with and then being slapped in the face with the cold hard fact that it just didn't work (again) just kills me. I just don't know how to handle myself.
I've had no motivation lately and I've also been a space-case. (You can probably tell by how I'm writing this-choppy and all over the place.) I'm just out. of. it.
I have a follow up appointment with the doc on July 26th to make sure that I'm not Clomid resistant and look into how everything is going. Hoping and praying for some good news.
Replies
Omg hun, I totally understand how you are feeling!! I too have recently found out that a really close friend of mine is pregnant and although I am truly happy for her, I can\'t help but feel a bit jealous and sad that it\'s not happening to me. I\'ve gotten to the point in my life where I just need to start thinking about all the good in my life. You know, the great people, family, friends, and quality of life you have around you. It really helps me put everything into perspective. I too have been ttc for a long time, it is close to 25 months! I would have never imagined having to struggle to have a baby. I thought it would happen so easily. I guess for some women it does, but we\'ve gotta remain positive and never give up on our dreams! Hang in there hun! I am definitely here if you need anything. I wish you the best with your remaining treatment. Take care!!