Drowning Dreams
I wrestled through the last of my sleep in dreams of drowning this morning. They werenae happy dreams but they werenae mean enough to tip my nightmare meter. Proof unavailable, but there is room to wonder if my threshold for what constitutes a nightmare is far beyond what Nature intended. Kiddie whorehouses arenae lightweight training grounds for nightmare/night terror thresholds. The dreams didnae stay with me far enough for detailed analysis, but the gentle lean into the emotions the dreams mustered lead me to the busy mother who snubbed me at the daycare. Have the OCD loops eased around this mostly insignificant event? I believe so. This morning's visit with her visage is just enough to the side to make me believe I am glimpsing the fears the rejection triggered in me.
Metaphorically speaking, it be difficult to avoid drowning in the busy buzz of life. I donae care to run the academic validation gauntlet this morning, but I do wonder if the drowning in Busy Buzz is quite literal. Water isnae the only substance you can drown in. Do the stress toxins of Busy Buzz reach our lungs, as well? Data currently unavailable at my interest level.
In the disenfranchised years between the emptying of my proverbial nest and the building of the life which was derailed by this unfortunate series of events, countering Busy Buzz began to feel like the job Nature designed me to do. The chaos between my ears might qualify as Pure Busy Buzz. My Indy 500 meditation popped clearly into my head with that mightful wonder. Grown people chasing one another in circles to no end. The big variant in that image is that there arenae any spectator stands in this morning's manifestation. 'Tis only the morning gridlock. It's been on all the newsfeeds. Zoom zoom. May the best automotive advertisement win.
This entry is being punctuated by Saturday morning kid busies. Big Bro's new friend spent last night here and woke frightened. Hubs tells me the friend wanted to go home last night after I went to bed but his grandsense said to ride ^it^ out. The two boys were passed out on Big Bro's single bed when I made my morning rounds. Big Bro was in our bed and Hubs was attempting to console the wordlessly sobbing friend on the couch during the last interruption to this entry. The friend is now having breakfast while I attempt to finish this entry and make my way to the shower, hopefully before Big Bro and the sisters add their voices to the morning.
Gee. . . Why would the Busy Buzz look like a frightening spectre to me this morning? ? ?
Onward through the fog. Stepping small and praying big. Again I leave the mood icon at the median of the rapid cycle range.
Replies
Drowning dreams are no fun, arfie. Glad you're able to avoid classifying them as full blown nightmares, though they don't sound like they led to restful sleep for you. So sorry Big Bro's buddy had a tough time on his over night at your house. Poor guy....
As to the "kiddie whorehouses" you refer to here, they got a mention in The Daily New York Times podcast I listen to. It's a two part story.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/19/podcasts/the-daily/child-sex-abuse.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/20/podcasts/the-daily/child-sex-abuse.html
They said nothing you didn't well know already a thousand times over from actual personal experience, but I pass it on anyway just as possible validation.
Big hug sweetie..... I used to have night terrors that were drug induced for me...and they were horrible.... It sounds much the same.... I am so sorry that you're going through this horror
Another hug and a blessing.... I hope that your Saturday is peaceful.... Nice that your GS had a friend over
I don't read such articles without therapy support present and actively monitoring for psychotic whiplash, Muji. They remain a sure ticket to flashback hell for me. I bet you don't work bomb squads, either.
I've never experienced a drug induced night terror, Jan, but I do believe they are near enough the same to rate equal empathy. I suspect the drug induced variety include the unbuffered shock of the phenom. I had the "Normalizing" element to prepare me for mine. No fun, whatsoever. I am far from certain whether that "Normalizing" was a good thing or a bad thing, but at least my night terrors werenae a total shock to my senses. The good news is that my therapy regimen is holding steady. It has been a goodly number of years since I have had lived *that* dream.
I knew that they were drug induced from Perphenazine.... So I knew that when I stopped the drug they would stop.... The horror for you sweetie is that you can't simply do that.... I so wish that you could
I'm glad that your therapy has helped you...… Gentle hug.....xo
As gnarly as those all-natural night terrors were, I earnestly believe they lead me to mysteries worth glimpsing. I wouldnae wish them upon my most hated enemy, but more and more I wonder if the gain was worth the pain. Maybe. 'Tis still difficult to believe in the gain. I surely donae care to risk reliving the pain.