drowning
So I started setting up my classroom a bit early this year to keep my mind busy. I found out that the teacher next to me is now expecting. So immediately my mind went to "great now I have to watch your stomach grow every sticking day". I am happy for her but I started getting that sinking feeling in my stomach. The more I acted on the negativity that comes with infertility the worst I felt until I ruined my whole mood and cried and felt like crap for the rest of the day. I came home turned on praise and worship music and really told GOd how unhappy I was. Then, I decided to praise him for my babies. I yelled and screamed to drown out the thoughts of pity, discouragement and anger. I actually felt better afterwards and felt peace. I will get through this I told myself. Yet, sometimes do you ever feel like you are drowning in emotions and its physically draining? It stinks...
Replies
I can totally relate! Last year there were 5 pregnant bellies in my school, all of whom I work with. 5 of them. Including the girl in the office next to me. The girl who\'s wedding I went to the previous year the 2 days before I miscarried. It was really hard and I felt like I was drowning every day, but by the grace of God and keeping faith and staying patient with myself by her final month I was able to be the one to throw her shower. You will persevere. You will have your babies.
Im so sorry! It is so hard to get smacked with it and have to see your desires every day. I also work with 3 who are pg. We were all pg together and they are all having boys (always felt my baby was a boy too). Two are mad b/c they are boys again. UGH! It is hard watching their pregnancies progress while my pregnancy is gone. When I feel like I just cant take it I will have my conversation with God usually starting with \"Ok God...I need you to hold my hand through this journey b/c I have no idea where you are taking me.\" I just try to continue to trust and obey (hard for me b/c Im such a control freak). Always a work in progress. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. God bless. xoxo
We all have our moments honey and after the summer you have lived through your feelings are normal. You had such high hopes I\'m sure it is hard to see someone else in the position you thought you would be. Something to add to your thoughts when God takes something out of your grasp he is only opening your arms for something better. You are an amazingly strong woman and you will make it through this. Your journey will take to things you have never even imagined. Believe,have faith, and hope for miracles because all your dreams will come true. XO :)