Driving myself insane...

My mood swings are actually unbelievable...UN-BELIEVABLE!!!!Right, update:This morning - woke up and wished I had succeeded again.Later that morning - feeings intensifyed when I had to tell the rest of the day patient group what had happened. Was met with a silent response and I'm pretty sure that they all hate me nowAfternoon - struggled with Lunch but I did eat it...and it was quite a forced effort which when feeling like I was, I may have given up beforeAfter Lunch - Had a rough community meeting. Things were being discussed that I found difficult to be listening to, phoned and talked to my Mum. Wanted to go home. Went to find my key worker and told him how I felt. We talked and he said a lot of things that at the time were quite hard to listen to. (a few home truths, shall we say) started feeling worse so went home.Later - Got home, talked to Mum. Started crying again, felt awful. Started talking about things and stuff that my key worker had said started to 'click'. While I felt things were starting to connect together I went up and started typing some notes on my thought patterns.Evening - After typing for a long time I was making more and more connections with things and I felt a lot better for it. Just understanding some things can make all the difference in how scared and hopeless you feel!Night - I'm now typing this. In quite a weird mood. Joking around with people online but I don't feel like I'm having 'a good time'. Maybe it's sleep deprivation or something as I've had 3 hours sleep iiiiiinnnn just over 60 hours now. Feeling quite jittery. I feel happier that I managed to get so much on paper earlier. I would say I feel 'positive' about it but the feeling at the moment is, at least when I go back on Thursday I have something I can say I've done to try to make changes. I'm skeptical now though and unsure if it's really going to work. Then anxiety sets it. What if it doesn't? I'm going to be left to face the real world again with my depression alongside me with no way out. Just feeling really anxious I guess.After all that has happened, the plan (obviously) is to still start cutting down my days. So I am off day patients tomorrow. I'm going to try and take a trip to the shops as there are a couple of things I need. Lets see how my first 'official' week day off goes.