Dreaming of Ed
Hi everyone,
I hope everyone's Easter & Passover was gentle this year. Mine was peaceful.
This morning I woke up at 4:30am & couldn't fall back asleep. I had a dream about Ed and woke up with that sad, heavy feeling of loss that is all too familiar to all of us. In the dream I was with Ed at his apartment and he was giving me some of his possessions as he said, "in case something happens to me." I kept saying, "Why, why? Are you sick?" He wouldn't respond. (for those of you who don't know, Ed died at the age of 37 from a heart attack-he was asymptomatic)
in the dream he handed me some sports memorabilia and some Irish figurines that he wanted me to have. The sports memorabilia makes sense - his kids or I have his trophies and so forth but although Ed is part Irish he never was very in touch with that side of his ethnicity and didn't own anything from Ireland or have any Irish keepsakes.
In the dream I remember feeling very frustrated because I didn't understand why he would give his things away and I kept feeling that he wasn't telling me something. I kept asking him if he needed to see a doctor. He wouldn't answer me.
One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't know he was sick, but I truly didn't. He had no apparent symptoms of heart disease and it is just "magical" thinking to believe that I could have saved him when I had no idea he had a ticking time bomb in his heart. But I wish as we all do that I could have....sigh.
Well, thanks for listening. It helps to write and I also like to immediately write any dreams I have of Ed before I forget the details.
Have a peaceful day.
I hope everyone's Easter & Passover was gentle this year. Mine was peaceful.
This morning I woke up at 4:30am & couldn't fall back asleep. I had a dream about Ed and woke up with that sad, heavy feeling of loss that is all too familiar to all of us. In the dream I was with Ed at his apartment and he was giving me some of his possessions as he said, "in case something happens to me." I kept saying, "Why, why? Are you sick?" He wouldn't respond. (for those of you who don't know, Ed died at the age of 37 from a heart attack-he was asymptomatic)
in the dream he handed me some sports memorabilia and some Irish figurines that he wanted me to have. The sports memorabilia makes sense - his kids or I have his trophies and so forth but although Ed is part Irish he never was very in touch with that side of his ethnicity and didn't own anything from Ireland or have any Irish keepsakes.
In the dream I remember feeling very frustrated because I didn't understand why he would give his things away and I kept feeling that he wasn't telling me something. I kept asking him if he needed to see a doctor. He wouldn't answer me.
One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't know he was sick, but I truly didn't. He had no apparent symptoms of heart disease and it is just "magical" thinking to believe that I could have saved him when I had no idea he had a ticking time bomb in his heart. But I wish as we all do that I could have....sigh.
Well, thanks for listening. It helps to write and I also like to immediately write any dreams I have of Ed before I forget the details.
Have a peaceful day.
Replies
Wow, Linda, it seems that your dream was so vivid and clear. I think it\'s good that your son visited you in your dreams even though there surely is that heavy feeling of loss when we awaken. And sometimes it\'s hard to deciper the meaning or communication of the dream. It may come to you though especially the part about the Irish figurines. You\'re right about how we always think about what we could have done to prevent it even though deep down we know we could not have. May you also have a gentle and peaceful day. Love and hugs, Diane
Oh, to have such a vivid dream dear Linda... Glad that you wrote it down and yes, more may come in. Perhaps the Irish figurines may symbolize his realizing now how inter connected he is with all of humanity and that where some of his roots are is part of who he is... I wonder too if Ed didn\'t have some kind of a deep knowing as many of our children did that they might not be living long lives? Maybe brushing it aside as just a \"feeling\" and not wanting to dwell there for long?
As you always say, \"If we could have moved heaven and earth to keep our children here\" we would have. That stays with me always as a source of comfort in those \"would have, should have, could have\" moments. May you rest in those words as well.
May today unfold with a deep knowing of the eternal bond Ed and you share. Just wishing we could hug our sons as we need to with our arms and not just our thoughts and hearts. Deepest of sighs...
With love and so much understanding,
Joanie
You know (now, here\'s that \"coincidence\" again) yesterday I was reading NDEs from the researcher\'s site. One of them mentioned that the man whose testimony it was had \"met\" his \"ancestors\" in spirit. It\'s quite possible that Ed has, also. Maybe this was more than a dream. Your subconscious mind is working through the horror but his offering you this \"memorabilia\" might be more than that. I don\'t have to tell you that there\'s no way you could have stopped what happened, even if you HAD known and he HAD gone to the doctor. People die in world famous ICU units. Our children are safe. We don\'t have to worry about what will happen to them if war breaks out, if the stock market crashes, if society goes down the drain -- all of which are more than possible. God has them. Soon He will have us. We just have to hang on until He calls our names.
Peace.
jill
Linda, I know we want to have dreams of our children so badly....it is the one way we know we can see them again ....in live action....remembering their voices....their mannerisms....THEM.....but as good as those dreams can be...they also are painful reminders of what we don\'t have anymore when we wake up. Reality comes with the sun. I wish you had awaken with a more satisfying feeling but look at is as a message as Jill suggests. Our subconscious cleans its closets in our dreams, so to speak....but I believe messages can be powerful in dreams, too....as God spoke in the Bible. There is no way to have known....just like in my circumstance...and most of the mothers here....even if you know a child has cancer and that their days are numbered...(as is ours)....life and death is in the hands of GOD...He is in control. I pray you will find some peace in this dream and all the ones to follow. Your Ed loved you so much and is looking on in amazement at how you continue to live and love for God. One day we will be with our sons soon....love and brandon hugs for you and dear Ed...dale, brandon\'s mom
I think vivid Dreams of our sons and daughters are actually our subconscious or superconscious meeting with them. I like to think when I\'m dreaming of Jason it is actually him, not me just thinking of him. If it were me, I would dream of him every night because he\'s always on my mind. I know that heavy feeling of loss after a vivid dream that you describe, still while the dream is happening it\'s so good to be with our sons. Love to you and your family and especially to Ed. I wish you more vivid wonderful Dreams of Ed, this time without any worries in them. Terry
Dreams are so important,,,our kids come to visit, no matter what the dream was about,, he came to visit...(((hugs)))
How lucky you are to have dream/visits in your sleep. I wonder if the Irish figurines was some kind of signal to you that it was really him and not some past memory surfacing. (((BIG HUGS))) Mary=Matt\'s Mom
Maybe the little figurines are a stand in for his children, leaving them in your protection. Dreams about our kids seem to be so meaningful, I don\'t understand why I do not have any, or remember any.
Love to you and your wonderful son, Ed. We would have saved our boys if we could have. The guilt that mothers\' feel is so unfair, so cruel! We did protect them during their vulnerable years, and raised them up so well. Moral, kind, loving sons. We should have had them for all our life. I weep with you, Abby
THOSE DREAMS DO LEAVE ME SAD. MOST THE TIME I CAN ONLY REMEMBER BITS AND PIECS. HOPE YOU HAD A NICE EASTER, MINE WAS PEACFUL JUST MY HUSBAND AND ME AND THE DOGS. AND I FORGOT TO TAKE ROAST OUT THE DAY BEFORE. SO WE HAD TACO BELL I DID,NT WAN TO GET ALL DRESSED UP AND GO TO A RESTRAUNT. I DID,NT EVEN CARE JUST WANTED THE DAY OVER. THE HOLIDAYS DRAIN ME. I HAVE PVC,S THAT IS HEART PALPATATIONS. BUT THE DR. SAID THAT IS PRETTY COMMON. IT IS AMAZING TO ME SOMEONE SO YOUNG WOULD HAVE SUCH A HEART CONDITION AND SUFFER NO SIDE EFFECTS. DID ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY HAVE HEART DISEASE?? REALLY SAD. AND JUST LIKE ME YOUR ONLY CHILD. GOD BLESS YOUR ANGEL EDDIE LOVE MARY ANN
hmmmm...just a thought here, and I may be way off, but what if Ed, knowing how you feel about not knowing prior to his leaving that he was sick, was somehow trying to show you that it would not have made it any easier for you if you had known and was trying to ease those thoughts/feelings. And I like what Joanie suggested, that perhaps he has tapped into his Irish heritage now and wanted to share that with you. I bet he\'s met all sorts of wonderful, interesting Irish family members! So, I guess I take from this dream a sense of Ed pouring his love and protection and healing all over you! And that\'s a good thing! An awesome thing. Let the dream sooth you and let the negative energy float away. I love you and I love hearing about your dreams of Ed!
Hi Ed! Thanks for popping into moms dreams. We all learn so much by what all of you \"kids\" share with us. And yes, you\'re a KID!!! Sending you love and sending lots of love to your sweet momma too!
Linda, sometimes I want to much to dream like this. But I think somehow I don\'t because maybe it would make me feel worse. I don\'t know...but I long for a dream to talk/hold my sons. Chris always died by sudden cardiac death and many times I have asked myself if I missed something somewhere along the line. But he had just had a good cardiac check up....so it really is out of our hands. Sometimes, just so hard to accept. Thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful rest of the week. Love, Kim
I can see why that dream was so disturbing for you... if we (all Moms) had known what was wrong with our kids to have prevented them from being taken from us we would want to know BEFORE so we could change the outcome. Being as your son had no symptoms before you were powerless to do anything... I was nieve in not dragging my daughte to another doctor for a second, third, fourth opinion.. actually just a second would probably have done it, but I didn\'t, she trusted her doctor so I did too.
Hugs dear friend, and I hope he visits you again soon. MaryLou
I do not remember any of my dreams, Sometimes I wish I could so if Mike visits via a dream I could feel his presents. The grandkids pick up on him they are 6 and are so open minded. I know soon that will pass but I love hearing them say things like someone tapped me on the shoulder in the kitchen. I tell them it was your Uncle Mike he loved to pick on you, he was a great cook and loved the kitchen.
Wishing you peace and happy dreams
Hugs Penny