Dream Feeling
I am sitting at work and keep looking at my son's picture. I am smiling and thinking "of course I couldn't keep him, he's too perfect, too beautiful." He seems like a dream to me, so does my whole pregnancy. I am thinking of my son as someone that exists but I can't reach. I don't really like this analogy, but maybe like a celebrity. Am I going crazy? I don't feel like he was really mine, that perfect little boy could not have come out of me. Does anyone else have feelings like this sometimes?
Replies
I feel like that all the time with Cade, like everything was just a dream. I had the easiest pregnancy, I would forget I was pregnant because I felt wonderful. You\'re not crazy, it\'s probably a coping mechanism... When you lose a child you have to get through it somehow.
Hugs!
Charlotte
ALL THE TIME... NO YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. I look at Annaya\'s picture all the time... and I wonder \" why?\" All we have are the memories of them within our bodies... I would never wish that away.
HUGS!
N.
I do the same thing ALL day long!! I sit here and stare at Andrew and his little double chin and think about how I would be cleaning all the formula out of his little rolls. When I look at him I go into another world and remember how he smells and feels and his cheeks on my lips. It doesn\'t seem real at all to me. I forgot I was pregnant half the time also because it was so smooth. (((HUGS)))
I feel the same way often. I swear sometimes I just stare at her picture and imagine what we should be doing. I imagine that I should still be pregnant and how I would be setting up the nursery. I am glad to hear I am not the only one.
Big hugs to you today!
Oh gosh yes! It was, is, and will always be a miracle. Every new life is. I\'m still amazed that God used my body to create such a perfect new person. It\'s mind-boggling.
As for the smile you had when you looked at his picture...Hooray! That\'s progress. I remember the 1st time I looked at Victoria\'s picture and was able to smile instead of get all sad. You\'re not crazy; you\'re a grieving mother.
It does all seem like a dream. Even over a year later I feel that way. I have to look at her pictures to remember that it did happen and she really was real. Just a few minutes in my arms... that\'s all I had with her. Thankful that we have pictures to look at.
Hang in there. Just put one foot in front of the other and focus on one day at a time. You can do this. You can survive. xoxo
I feel the same way some days. I find myself wondering, did that really happen? Is the baby in that picture really mine? It seems sometimes like everyone else forgets that I had a daughter, that I am a mother to a baby that I\'ll never get to rock to sleep. It seems like not only us Mom\'s feel like it was a dream. My Mom used to tell me the story of her stillborn son and I would think to myself how on earth could anyone ever survive that? To go through labour knowing your baby wasn\'t going to alive and screaming when they came into the world. I still can\'t believe that I went through it and survived. It\'s very surreal.
Each day it gets a little easier to face the world. Each day that goes by I grow to appreciate how far I\'ve come in the past four months. I wish you peace.
Hun, you aren\'t crazy... I went through a similar thought process afterwards. I hope you can find some peace knowing your perfect baby is now your beautiful guardian angel! Make sure you keep watch out for his messages to you, his pennies from heaven! XOXOXOXO
Meghan
I feel like that every day. It makes me sad, I don\'t want to feel like it was a dream. It\'s only been 8 days since her birth but I already can\'t remember some details. In my minde the baby was already mine, I had made plans for her and a future.