Dreading June

So today went well...students learning, me being brilliant...then I get home and everything is so quiet and I begin to think. When I actually have time to think I cry. June is almost here...in 1 month I will be dealing with the second death anniversary of my brother, as well as, the supposed due date for our child. I miss both terribly...especially when I am at home alone. Then DH told me that the job he desperately wanted and applied for maybe out of his grasp. His logic is that they did not hire a union person, so he and another contract guy applied and had interviews...then they were told that there was an outside person. Today the interviewer revealed that one out of the four of them is out of the race...so now there is only three...himself, his friend and a female he met today. I really shouldn't worry because he is strong with what he does and he is efficient, however he has been on contracts for so long it would be nice to have a full time permanent position. I really love him so much that I know that this will be a big disappointment for him if he does not get the job.Besides waiting to hear about the job, there is my cousin. It really bugs me that his wife is pregnant. I can not believe that a nasty person like him can have children...(ok so I exagerrated what he is like). It kind of makes me feel better by making them seem worse then they really are. Jealousy brings out the worse in people. His birthday was this past weekend and I sent an email one day late to wish. he then sent me back a huge email about how wonderful his birthday was and it was great to spend it with his family at his in-laws place....they gave him a huge surprise party....he kept emphazing family in the email....as if to say that we are a rotten family for just sending an email. He is my first and only cousin for whom my brother and I grew up with. He also played Duane and I against each other, then one day he turned on my mother and called her all sorts of horrible things...he did not bat an eye...after all the wonderful things my mother did for him, he still insulted her. Then Duane dies and he acts like everything is fine and ok. Is it ok not to want to talk to him or hear about his wifes pregnancy? I have been through 7 years without him in our lives. I can not forget what he tried to do to my relationship with my brother as well as the stuff he said which hurt my mother really badly. well I am tearing up again, got to go.