Drawing and loving it

I have over the last 2 days drawn 4 drawings.  One of a wolf, one of a puppy and one of a barn in perspective.  The other painting was a lighthouse I did in watercolors and the page ripped.  Scanned it with the tear, moved it to Adobe Photoshop and fixed it up.  Now I have a painting that has no rip.  Made me think of all the paintings I have painted and that I can now play with them and edit them and change these paintings.  Oh, Little Jeanette is thrilled that her creativity is once more present.   I am so thankful for the chance to go inside and find that creativity once more. I am sitting here at work during my lunch hour and writing this.  Work has been a source of joy for me as well.  Not that every day is wonderful and magnificent.  There are days I am literally drained mentally because there is so many needy people that need the attention of someone they seem to put on a pedalstal, staff.  I want them to know and tell the memebers I am just like you.  I hurt when you hurt, I cry when frustrated or angry or sad.  I struggle like you struggle, all to be whole again.  I truly am no different than the people I work with.  The only difference is I do not have the diagnoises they have.  So many of these people I am sure had to have been abused just like me.  So many I am sure are ostracized by family.  So many have needs that were not met, just like mine were not.  Am I different then the members who come here, no.  I am glad I have no need to control or lord over any one I work alongside.  That is the advocate in me.  It is strong and very much alive in me.  I feel this strong advocate comes directly from being abused.  I know how if feels to be less than, to be not of value, to be invisible. I want to make a difference in the lives of those I work with.  No whistles, no raises, but that would be nice, no applause, just to love and care for those who I serve.  It is in my heart and soul to do so.  It is what God has chosen for me.  So off I go to have a meeting and then do some work this afternoon.  But first a cig.   So because of these feelings, I could understand very well what the other guy is feeling.