Dr. Appointment
I finally called my Dr. this morning and I have an appointment at 8:30 a.m.t=Thurs. morning. I am going to request that I go back on Meds. I did not want to do this because of the terrible withdrawals these cause. I did not want to have to depend on Antidepressants but, I have sat and watched too many of my friends die, lately. My ex died, 3 life long friends died.
Friends that I have known for years have abandoned me. Some have turned against me due to lies and rumors. I never thought these friends would do this.
Some here, have "cooled" their relationships with me. Some have just abandoned me altogether and, that's ok.
Depression is a robber. It steals our joy, our friendships, our good times and our happiness. It tears us apart from the inside, piece by piece till there is nothing left standing but, a shell of what once was.
These feeiings prompted my status. The Monster, is at the gate. How strong the gate is, is yet to be determined.
I am not asking for sympathy but, I do ask for your prayers. If any of my "friends" here read this and want to delete me, please do so. I understand. No hard feelings.
Friends that I have known for years have abandoned me. Some have turned against me due to lies and rumors. I never thought these friends would do this.
Some here, have "cooled" their relationships with me. Some have just abandoned me altogether and, that's ok.
Depression is a robber. It steals our joy, our friendships, our good times and our happiness. It tears us apart from the inside, piece by piece till there is nothing left standing but, a shell of what once was.
These feeiings prompted my status. The Monster, is at the gate. How strong the gate is, is yet to be determined.
I am not asking for sympathy but, I do ask for your prayers. If any of my "friends" here read this and want to delete me, please do so. I understand. No hard feelings.
Replies
I\'m not gonna delete you...
When my x died, there were only 11 of us there. Me, my son, my daughter-in-law, her mom and dad, my little granddaughter, my 2 best friends who came to support me, my son\'s best friend who came to support him, and only 2 of my x\'s friends. It was so sad.... the x used to think he was one of the most popular people in the area, and no one really came...
What I noticed from my other friends during all this was that they had no idea what to do with MY grief. They could see that it was huge, most of the time they made the general comment \"If I can do anything...\" but that turned out to be just silly little words meaning \"I\'m thinking of you\". I don\'t mean to sound bitter - I\'m actually not - it\'s just what I noticed through this whole process. It isn\'t because they aren\'t true friends... it\'s because that kind of pain scares people. They don\'t know how to handle it. And so they go silent... so they\'ll turn their backs... because they feel inadequate, useless... it\'s THEIR way of coping.
Over the next few months, your true friends will come back. They\'ll stop by to see how you are doing, they\'ll give you a call, maybe drop off something nice, just to let you know they are thinking of you. It takes time for them as well.
And as far as your own grief... when you are ready, MAKE yourself start living again. I would go to the store during my darkest days and notice things that showed life goes on despite our pain. And every day, that pain from the grief gets less and less and less - even if it\'s so miniscule that we can barely see it. Over time, as we force ourselves to get moving forward, the pain fades. I can now look at his pictures of the good times without crying. I can now remember the good and bad things as if they\'re a book that I\'ve just read a chapter to. Part of my life, but done. The page has turned...
{{HUGS}} This too shall pass.... Donna
Pee Wee. I would never ever delete you. I know what you have been through the past months with all of the loss and all of the sadness, grief and the tremendous amount of stress going on with the church situation. I am glad you are going to the doctor and I know that withdrawing from meds is hard, but I think going back on an antidepressant is a good idea. You are overwhelmed and it\'s understandable. You are still grieving the loss of your ex and your friends. Know that I do pray for you everyday and you are always in my thoughts. I love you Pee Wee.
I would never delete you! I have had folks lately who have \'unfriended me\', been cool to me, just plain old disappeared and it is a loss all over again. Loose a husband, loose some friends (but were they friends?). His family wants nothing to do with me, so I am building a new structure. I was not aware how involved I was with his family.
Right now, you just have too much on your plate, and to be very honest with you, it takes courage to go to a doc or anywhere and admit that you need help!
We are all greiving the losses of friends and you have been especially hard hit. Know you will always be in my daily prayers and are in my thoughts.
((((((((((((((PeeWee)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
PEEWEE....I WOULDNT DELETE YOU EITHER. YOU HAVE BEEN GOING THRU SO MUCH FOR QUITE A LONG TIME NOW. YOU HAVE HAD TO GO THRU SO MANY DEATHS AND FUNERALS FOR A LONG TIME. THAT HAS TO BE SO VERY HARD AND WITH YOUR EX PASSING AWAY AND YOU ARE TRYING TO BE THERE FOR YOUR KIDS AND ALL THE MEMORIES......NO WONDER YOU NEED SOME HELP AND THERE IS NO SHAME IN NEEDING HELP. WE ALL NEED IT AT DIFFERENT TIMES IN OUR LIVES. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR CHURCH ALSO. SO VERY MUCH STRESS AND SADNESS FOR YOU FOR SUCH A LONG TIME. JUST REMEMBER THAT GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU AND YOU ARE NOT LESS OF A MAN OR A GREAT PREACHER JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED SOME HELP. THE GATE IS STRONG AND YOUR GOD...OUR GOD IS SO MUCH STRONGER AND HE WILL WALK YOU THRU ALL OF THIS. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU LIKE NEVER BEFORE. THE DEVIL HAS MET HIS MATCH MESSING WITH YOU...ONE OF GODS CHILDREN. JESUS HAS ALREADY DEFEATED HIM AND THAT INCLUDES DEPRESSION AND EVERYTHING ELSE. HOLD ON TO THE LORD AND HE WILL GET YOU THRU THIS.
I WILL BE PRAYING WITHOUT CEASING AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE SO LOVED.
YOUR LITTLE SIS
JULIE
Don\'t give up. I\'m glad you are seeing a Dr. Whatever it takes to help lift your spirits...I know you have abandonment issues and feel a a great deal of pain suffering from abandonment. I have a disorder that thrives on abandonment and perceived abandonment..meaning....I assume everyone is that way an it is the lonliest feeling in the world.. but the good news is.....mental illness can cause us to perceive things differently than they are. I know there are many who love admire and care for you Pee Wee. You are a great person, a great friend, a teacher, a healer and a very interesting person to talk to. I have faith in you that you will make it through this difficult time and find peace in your heart. \"Love you ..thinking of you daily..and know you are not a lone...
Jess