Down the same old road...when will I learn

So frustrated, I feel as if I have spent the last several years just treading water, trying to get by everyday and barely making it.  It is a constant struggle with money, my marriage, my children, responsibilities, work and just life in general.  I feel as if I am just too exhausted to ever make any significant changes.  I had things slightly balanced for a bit, but it is such a delicate balance that one little thing can upset the whole applecart.  I am at work, I work till 7 am tomorrow, I honestly don't know how I am going to get through this shift.  My husband is back in all the porn stuff again, who knows what else he is doing.  He is an expert liar about all this.  I will never get truthful answers from him, I will never be able to trust him, I just want to shake the crap out of him and make it stop!  I can't afford to live on my own, I will lose my house if we split up.  I need to find a way to cope.  I need to cope.  I am completely losing it!  Ugggggg I want to scream!  I want to run away and not deal with any of this anymore,.  I want to punch him emotionally and physically.  I am depressed, sad, overwhelmed, angry, anxious, and I feel as if I am juggling all these glass balls and the time is almost here when they are all going to hit the ground and shatter everywhere.