Down on my knees again
Surrending all.
I went to visit my birth son and his adoptive family today, along with my mom and her husband.
Yesterday I took a bold step and threw my medicine away... I just dug them out of the trash and took 2cymbaltas.
That probably isn't good to go on and off on and off. I just hate feeling that I need them.
The visit went well. We were at the park, and opened a vday present, and smiled, and laughed, and took a few pictures. However, by them time we were leaving, more like immediately when I got in the car, in the back seat, alone, I knew I wasn't okay.
I feel depressed, I feel like I want to die. I just don't know.
I don't want to be this negative person, I so badly want to try and help others.
I just don't know what God is doing, and it bothers me.
Blessings
Replies
Thank you for sharing. Going cold turkey can feel like a bold first step to do, but often best to use caution and wean off. It doesn't mean you are weak. Staying on medication doesn't mean you are weak. It is just about understanding what you need to help endure each day.
I have never had children, so I can only imagine your sadness in being apart from your son. That sadness is a "normal" loving feeling. If you didn't miss him, then you wouldn't be the same loving person who you are. Depression takes a commonly very sad moment, and makes it much worse. You also might be going through some early stages of Cymbalta withdrawl, when it all hit in the car's back seat. It is a storm. You are most definitely in my prayers. You have been helping me greatly. Thank you. Remember that The Lord carries us when we can't seem to carry on. No small thing that our Bible Study was on Job. You will still make a great Pastor. Please do text or message me, if ever you need anything. God Bless.
Please do NOT stop Cymbalta cold turkey. The withdraw symptoms are worse than the worst depression you can ever imagine...trust me! Please DO talk to your doctor. Perhaps trying a new med. You are NOT weak for using meds. I felt that way for years until I realized that depression/anxiety are the same as my asthma. I am not weak for taking asthma meds everyday and we are NOT weak for taking our mental meds everyday, either. I tried twice to come off Prozac and both times I slid further into that dark pit of depression and debilitating anxiety.
Your sadness is normal and it stems from wanting to please everyone. Most of us with anxiety/depression are "people pleasers". It's not a bad thing until we allow pleasing others to override what it best for our own health and happiness. I will tell you what I've been told...sometimes you have to be selfish! This weekend take care of YOU. You are the only person that matters this weekend. You are a good person and you are NOT weak. God is with you my friend. Trust your faith and trust that our suffering is for a reason that we are not able to understand yet...but someday we will :)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28 New King James Version (NKJV)
God uses different conditions and circumstances in our lives to work out His purpose.
Allow God use even negative circumstances in your life.
God can work out even the most terrible things that happen in our lives for good.
Even in the worst situations, God is a good God.